Jazz Red's Anomaly

c h a p t e r. 10

Show him how you take off the mask and the monster underneath it.

I'm not a monster, he tells himself, but his thoughts twist it into, That's all I'll ever be.

Make him hurt the way you've been hurt, show him how well you've learned from the pain.

Show him that.

Show him.

Show him.

Show him!

SHOW HIM--

"Jazz," Nyx grabs his arm and he almost-- almost but doesn't-- throws her off. "You're okay. Deep breaths, okay? Those thoughts aren't you."

Dela might be his twin, but Nyx and him, they've always understood each other.

They had that darker, crueler part of themselves that their siblings didn't possess. Always understood that, through all that darkness, through all that anger, they were terrified of themselves.

And she pulled him from his thoughts, which he was more than grateful for, because when Atlas that the musician doesn't quite catch then shoves Cas' chest hard enough that the celestial falls back against the hallway wall's corner-- well, Jazz doesn't go nuts and do something that would probably take both D'Silvetta brothers and Nyx to snap him out of, but he's pretty damn close.

You let this happen, his mind snarls as Cas' ethereal greens spazz in a flash of deep cyan pain. You let this happen to him! How could you do that? How could you do that? HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?

HE'S HURT.

YOU HURT HIM.

YOU HURT HIM!

YOU HURT HIM! YOU HURT HIM- YOUHURTHIMYOUHURTHIMYOUHURTHIMYOUHURT--

People are talking, but it doesn't register, then Nyx is suddenly moving away from him and-- no, no, don't leave him alone, don't leave him in these thoughts all by himself, don't leave him in his own mind-- and then Atlas is being shoved against the shelf by her, face smushed into the books as a groan of pain leaves him.

Jazz isn't sure what happens next; Damien is now pinning the douchebag but Cas is in his arms-- when did that happen?-- and Eris is standing next to them, Dela closest to the pinned man and Nyx's grump while the two D'Silvettas are between them.

It's... they're protecting Cas.

That's what you should have done in the first place, the thoughts sneer.

"Wait-" The celestia squeaks out, trying to leave his arms but that's not safe. He has to stay safe. He has to. "-wait. He just, he just does that- -mother duckling- -sometimes. And just, stop!"

But he moves anyway. Jazz isn't enough to make him stay safe-- so he follows his celestial like a worshipper, hands on his hips and bodies close together that it's almost enough.

Almost. But doesn't stop the snarl his mind gives out. Almost. But doesn't stop the anger in his heart from clawing at the surface. Almost. But doesn't help the sudden ice that's in his throat, does not help him breathe.

Almost. But isn't.

"Let him go," Cas orders, half-glaring right at Jazz's older sisters and Damien.

"Fuck!" Nyx hisses, tightening her hold as her mint eyes darken in clear frustration. "I'm trying to be nice, too."

Nyx... struggled being nice, sometimes. She was always, always kind, but nice wasn't her forte. She was getting better but in a situation like this, Jazz knew that that anger inside of her was a struggle to push down, to choose the other choice over.