"People do not die from suicide; they die from sadness," -Anonymous
One day prior to being sent to the psych ward
"Go to your room and do your homework please," my mom says to me in her calm angry way.
Tears are running down my face. I just got into a huge fight with my mom. I run to my room. I grab a pen and paper. I begin to write.
I'm sorry but I can't keep doing this. I love you and I'm so sorry. Tell my friends and family that I love them and I'm sorry. I just couldn't do it. -Valentina
A tear falls onto the paper and smudges the I. I go to the bathroom. Tears stream down my face as I gather what I need. I look at the bottles on the counter. The labels read Aspirin, Mucinex, Motrin, 70% isopropyl alcohol and Benadryl. In the movies, suicide doesn't look too complicated. They have a trash life so they decide to end it. But it's not as simple as that. It's a choice. You are choosing to end it all. There is no going back after that. It's not an easy decision to make. It's hard for a few reasons. First, because we don't know what comes next. Second, because there may be some people you don't want to leave behind. And third, because it means that you've gotten to such a depressing point in life and you don't want to admit that to yourself. But, sometimes you just have to say screw it. That's what I did. I take 1/4 of the Benadryl since that's all that's left, 1/4 of the Mucinex, 1/4 of the Motrin, a mouthful of the 70% isopropyl alcohol, and a handful of the aspirins. But then, a thought pops into my head. What would become of everyone? What would happen to my family and friends? They would never be the same. I remember my dad crying the first time I told him I don't want to live anymore. That was about two years ago. I remember my mom saying that she couldn't live without me and my dad saying he couldn't live without either of us. They would be a mess. My best friend Aryanna once told me that if anything happened to me she wouldn't be able to go on. I spit the aspirins out into the sink. I slide down to the floor and cry and cry and cry, thinking that this is the end. After a while of sitting there against the door, I slide over to the other wall and lean against it with my legs outstretched in front of me. I sleep for a few minutes before my mom unlocks the door and comes into the bathroom. I can't imagine what's going through her head when she finds me there lying on the floor. She looks over at the counter where the bottles are. She helps me up by the arm.
"How much did you take?" she asks me.
"I- I don't know," I reply in a voice that sounds foreign to me.
"Okay come on we're going to the hospital"
"No, no, no please don't make me. I don't want to go. Please don't make me," I say, my words kind of slurring together.
"We have to go if you can't even remember how much you took"
She leads me out of the bathroom into the living room.
"What happened?" my dad asks sounding worried.
"We have to go to the hospital. She took a bunch of medicine I don't know how much," my mom tells him.
My dad leads me out of the house as my grandpa looks on in confusion.
"Why did you do that?" my dad asks.
He hugs me with tears in his eyes.
"I'm sorry I just couldn't keep going, I'm so sorry," I cry.
My mom comes out and leads me to the car.
"I don't want to go please don't make me just let me go please. I took like 1/4 of each I think and aspirins but I spit them out and 70% isonopryl alcohol," I say feeling lightheaded and weird.
"That's a lot I have to take you to the hospital"
"Just let me go please just let me go I just want to go I don't want to do this anymore," I cry out in a flurry of words.
"Why did you do it?" my mom asks me, her voice cracking.
"I don't know I just didn't want to be here anymore I can't keep doing this I'm sorry," I sob. "I'm sorry"
We drive to the hospital. We get to Oakhill hospital within minutes. I read the sign saying Main ER, not fully understanding what it meant.
"Main ER, main- main means uh- first, no- it means more used. ER is the hospital we're at the more used hospital," I say, thinking out loud. "Wait no we're here. Oh no, oh no we're here please just let me go"
She looks at me with concern, seeing that I can't even think straight.
"I can't do that. I can't let you go," my mom says.
"Mom, suicide is a sin I'm not going to heaven," I sob even harder.
"It's going to be okay I'm not going to let you die"
We walk into the ER. There are three nurses at the front desk and a guy in a chair across the room.
"What happened?" a nurse asks.
My mom explains it all and they offer me a wheelchair because I keep wobbling around. I shake my head and tell them I can walk.
"Let me in my girl's in there," the guy across the room says getting up from his chair.
"We can't let you past those doors," a nurse says blocking his way.
He tries to push past her.
"Look there's a kid here. We have to help her, your girlfriend will be fine but we have to take care of this kid," the nurse says looking at me.
He looks at me as if to say: "What happened to you?" and sits back down in his seat.
I'm led into the children's wing of the hospital. They bring me to a room that looks like a generic hospital room. Across from me I see a little boy in his own hospital room. A little while later my dad shows up with food but doesn't come into the ER, he meets my mom out in the parking lot. I eat and shortly after I fall asleep, thinking about what a turn this day has taken and wishing it never happened. I guess we all have to make a life-changing mistake at least once.
YOU ARE READING
I Promise it Gets Better
Teen FictionValentina had the perfect life, or so it seemed. One day she does the worst thing she could do and ends up in the hospital. She struggles with her mental health for a while and doesn't know what to do. She tries so hard to stay strong but it's hard...
