Do It Jakey! //Jake Kiszka

Chapter 11

After several weeks of seeing each other, Jake invites Julia to a bar to watch his band play. She has never met anyone from Jake's family or his friends, so that will be the occasion for that too. Julia feels quite nervous, even if she knows she shouldn't be. jake assured her everyone will be fine and accept her. He is at her house in the afternoon, studying together. After doing some math, Jake goes to the living room to study literature, leaving Julia in her room.

A few hours later, Jake needs a break. He thinks about going outside on the balcony and smoke, but he calls Julia first. He walks to her room and leans on the door, watching her. Julia is sitting at her desk, writing something down on a paper, sometimes looking at the computer in front of her. "hey", he says walking closer. "break time?".

She turns around, to look at him. As Jake gets closer, he spots a little box on Julia's desk. He knows about her nervous hunger when she studies, and she often eats while doing so. He knows that she struggles with this, and she is right now eating something, Jake notices. "what do you have here?", he asks pointing at the little box, trying to choose the right words.

"chocolate", Julia replies taking it. "do you want one?...", she asks looking inside, realizing it is actually empty. And it's like the whole word has fallen onto her shoulders. She has eaten the whole thing without even realizing it. Her mind goes back to when her doctor said her knees hurt because of her weight when she was in high school, how she struggled with the diet. And most of everything, Julia thinks at the disappointing look on her doctor's face when he realized Julia had gained almost twenty pounds during her first year in college. She can't help it, it's in her nature. It's like something bigger takes possession of her sometimes. She always thinks about it only when it's too late, when she has already eaten the whole box of chocolate, when she buys something at the supermarket that she shouldn't have bought. Julia is well aware of what she is doing to herself, and she feels sad and powerless. She has terrible major crises sometimes, like when Andrew cheated on her, or at the end of the first year of college. And she is having one right now. She knows it's not that helpful to eat earlier and cry later, but she can't help but do so. Every single time. how can she be a slave of her own body? Of her own hunger and nervousness?

Julia lets the box fall on the floor, bringing both her hands to her face. Then she starts crying, not loudly, but she can feel warm tears on her cheeks. She stands up and walks to the wall, sitting down on the floor, her back against it. bringing her legs to her chest and surrounding them with her arms, she presses her forehead against her knees and doesn't once look around her.

Jake looks at her, he feels sad. He wants to help her find a way out of all of this. He walks to her and sits down beside her, surrounding her body with his arms. "talk to me", he whispers in her ear.

"I'm a disaster", she says, and Jake can barely hear her, since she is still with her head on her knees.

"no, you are not. But", he says moving in front of her and gently touching the sides of her face to make her look at him, "listen to me now". Julia looks up. Her eyes are wet and red, they seem sad. At first, she looks away, then she reaches for Jake's eyes with her own. Once they lock, he speaks again. "I can help you, you know".

"I respect you and the shape of your body", he continues, "but I think you know there is a heath issue here". He is trying to say it in the best way possible. He doesn't want to offend her or make her sad. He wants her to be fine and love herself. But in a healthy way.

"I know Jake", Julia replies after a while, "I know it too damn well. But I can't control myself, at times". She is sad and angry. Angry at herself, mostly. How can she ever get out of this? She can try again with a diet and talk to her doctor, she thinks, and tells Jake.