A/B/O || Jinkook

53. Let me go

"Told me what sooner?" I ask. 

"Everything. About the money and about my creeping boss at the time. And more recently I should've made it clear to you that I hadn't actually mated with anyone. I mean... at least not voluntarily."

I tense up at that. Not voluntarily? Does that mean...

"He forced himself upon you?"

He lets out a shaky sigh and I reluctantly turn around to face him. It's clear as day to me that he's upset, and even though I'll admit that I'm a coward, I won't run away if I can see he's sad. I'll have to push my own matters to the side for a bit. At least until he's feeling a little better.

"After I changed divisions because of my promotion, it didn't take long before I got my heat," he explains. "I wasn't expecting it so soon and it took me by surprise. Maybe it got triggered because there are more alphas at my new workplace. It happened during an evening and it was only me and that alpha left. I've been using scent blockers the entire time since our breakup to not gain as much attention, but he obviously noticed it anyway. He offered to help and I... I couldn't say no. I literally couldn't say no even though I didn't want to do it with him. I really, really didn't want to, but... He used his commanding voice and then he joined me home and we... you know. I was too weak to fight it."

It's hard for him to talk about this and he looks at me to see my reaction. Being told up front that he got knotted by that slimy scumbag does surprisingly little for me. I'm not particularly angry. I just feel numb again. Maybe I'm too tired to have a real reaction. Perhaps that's for the best. It ensures I can actually listen to what he's trying to tell me. Otherwise I might just run after the car that just left and chase it to the end of the world if it meant getting a hold of that bastard. 

"And he marked you? Also against your will?"

He nods and subconsciously fiddles a little with the ring on his left hand. 

"Yes. It was after I'd come back to my senses a bit more. He didn't ask for permission or even warn me, he just did it on his own accord. I got upset and told him off several times, even threatening to call the police, but he just laughed at me. He said the police won't do anything to him since all he did was mark and knot his own mate. I felt so disgusted. I didn't want to be his mate and he'd definitely never gotten my permission for it either. Getting rid of my heat was one thing, but I never ever wanted him to be my mate. Ever since then I've tried avoiding him to the best of my ability, even covering up the mark and telling him I'm married to make him back off, but they just never give up. The word no has no meaning to them, at least not coming from someone like me. Him, my last boss and a whole bunch of other alphas just don't care about my opinion. At this point I'm honestly not sure if there's a single good alpha out there. I mean... except you of course, JK."

I automatically let out a laugh at his last remark.

"You think I'm a good alpha?"

"Yes. I think you are," he says, genuinely meaning it. 

"No. I'm a terrible alpha, Hyung, don't you see that? I couldn't even protect you from him. You ended up having to protect me instead because I couldn't do my job as your alpha. In reality he should've won you as his mate. He fought dirty, but he still won. He could've taken you with him while I was knocked out and there would've been nothing I could do about it. I'm weak, pathetic and a lot more submissive than I should be. Remember when you slapped him? He got angry and put you in your place. It's the typical reaction. Now compare that to when you slapped me. I just bowed my head and started crying. Sorry, Hyung, but you're a fool if you think I'm a good alpha."

He immediately shakes his head.

"None of that makes you a bad alpha. I think you're doing everything right in your own way. Why would crying make you weak? It just shows how much you care, Jungkook. At the time I was angry at you and kicking you out of the house, so of course you'd be crying. You were sad that you hurt me. Most other alphas wouldn't care. They'd demand to be let back inside, maybe even using violence to get their will through. Being submissive isn't necessarily a bad thing. Heck, I don't even think that you are submissive. It only comes across that way because you actually listen to me. You understand the meaning of no and stop when you have to. I think all of that is great. You've treated me better than anyone else probably ever will, and for that I'm forever grateful. You didn't hesitate at all to jump in and save me. From the bottom of my heart I thank you, Jungkook."