Always You

I went to Amsterdam without you
And all I could do was think about you
And oh-oh-oh, I should've known

I got myself a boyfriend to prove a point. To whom? I'm not sure. It was probably to tell myself that I don't love her. Maybe to show her I don't love her. Of course, it is a lie. I love her so god damn much. I would do anything for her. But she doesn't need to know that. So I dated Devon.

He took me on a beautiful vacation. We spent a week in Amsterdam. Sure, I had fun, but it wasn't the same without her. I missed her so much. All I did was think about her the entire trip. Devon was constantly bugging me about what was wrong. I didn't have the heart to tell him.

I went to Tokyo to let it go
Drink after drink, but I still felt alone
I should've known

For our one year anniversary, Devon brought me to Tokyo. Somewhere that I have wanted to go since I was a little girl. The problem was he decided to send me out sight-seeing as soon as we got to the hotel, saying he needed to set up a surprise for me and told me to be back no earlier then 5. So I set my suitcase down and went out, excited for this surprise that he was planning for ne.

Maybe I ate something bad on the plane or maybe it was just intuition, because I started feeling sick a couple hours in. I went back to the hotel, thinking he would understand and maybe push it off a day or two. Instead, found him with another woman in the bed that we were meant to share. What a great surprise that was for me, let me tell you.

I grabbed all of my things as silently as I could, as well as the cash in his wallet. I doubt they knew I was even there. I left, suitcase and cash in hand.

After hailing a taxi, I ended up at a cheap motel. I checked in for the night before walking the area. I found myself at a club. The first thing I did was go to the bar and order myself a strong drink.

I was definitely hit on by both girls and guys. I ended up going home with a girl that reminded me way too much of her. Maybe I don't remember it or the girl I was with, but it got my mind off of everything temporarily.

I went to so many places
Looking for you in their faces
I can feel it, oh, I can feel it

After that, I hopped. I went from country to country hotel hopping for about a month before ending up in the US.

I thought I had seen her in New York, and then again in LA. I probably didn't, but it was nice to daydream a little. Well, more than a little.

In LA, I signed to a modeling agency. I was told I was a beautiful young woman and was the perfect person to be a model for the new YSL collection. So that's what I did.

I'm wastin' my time when it was always you, always you
Chasin' the high, but it was always you, always you
Should've never let you go-oh-oh
Should've never let you go-oh, my baby
Go-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh

Event to event. Bar to bar. Club to club. Body to body. New day, new bed partner.

This went on for probably a year. I became a known name everywhere. Everyone had heard of the wonderful Adellyne Morsteir, who modelled clothing for all the big name brands. Whose face was everywhere. Everyone new my name. Honestly, everyone new me better than I knew myself.

All I did in my free time was drink, mope over her, or sleep with random people. You would think I would be over her, but I'm not. I feel as if I love her more and more every day.

It was here I started getting into drugs. I wasn't addicted to it, but I used weed as a calming agent. I did all I could to get her off of my mind, because I was otherwise crying over someone I could never have. Why did I let her go?

I went from LAX to Heathrow
Walked through my door, but it felt nothing like home
'Cause you're not home
Waiting to wrap your legs around me
And I know you hate to smoke without me
And, oh-oh-oh, now you know

I decided to go home to London for the first time in about a year. I first went to see my family. Let me tell you, that went different then I thought. I had missed a lot in my family's life. My sister got married, my uncle passed away, and my brother was in the hospital with stage 2 brain cancer. And I missed all of it because I didn't care to keep in contact. I went to my old bedroom and just cried.

I stayed there a week before going to my house. I thought that going home would give me a happy feeling, but walking in the front door just made me feel empty. It honestly just felt like walking into another hotel or Airbnb. She wasn't there to greet me, like I had gotten so used to her doing when we lived together. She didn't gave me a hug. She didn't kiss my cheek. She didn't say, "Welcome back, love. How was work?" I just collapsed at the front door and bawled like a 2 year old.

I'm wastin' my time when it was always you, always you

God, do I love her.

Chasin' the high, but it was always you, always you

No amount of drugs or alcohol or money or sex or fame can replace her.

Should've never let you go-oh-oh
Should've never let you go-oh, my baby

Why did I leave her?

Go-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
Should've never let you go-oh-oh

Why?

Should've never let you go-oh, my baby
Go-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh

Why did I let her go?

I went to so many places
Looking for you in their faces

I was at the pharmacy getting my depression medications when I saw her. She was with her little sister, looking at cheap eyeshadow. Something she always loved doing- buying the cheapest makeup and trying to make it look nice and laughing at how bad it looked on us. We did it all the time when we were together. I gave a small smile and walked away.

I can feel it, oh, I can feel it

I was in the aisle with the vitamins when I felt a person engulf me in a hug. "Denise, what are you doing? You know better than to just run off. Adellyne?"

"Tessa."

She gasped. "Oh my God it is you." She dropped what she was holding and ran over. Pushing her sister out of the way, she hugged me so tight that I could hardly breathe.

Wastin' my time when it was always you, always you
I was chasin' the high, but it was always you, always you
Should've never let you go-oh-oh
Should've never let you go-oh, my baby
Go-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
Should've never let you go-oh-oh
Should've never let you go-oh, my baby
Go-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh

As cliché as it sounds, we got back together after a couple months. It was hard, as I still had to spend a lot of time in the states. But we got through it. We got back to the things we use to do, including buying all the cheap makeup we could get our hands on and giving each other the stupidest looks that always looked so bad. I would get her little gifts from all around the world when she couldn't come with me.

Life was so much better with Tessa. I loved her so much.

My baby

"Adellyne, will you marry me?"

Oh, my baby

"Yes!"