bloom • sirius black • marauders era | book one

chapter nine

1975
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
Fourth Year

Seeing Severus face to face after so long was strange. In a pleasant way because I'd missed him and liked being around him. In a not so pleasant way because I was dealing with difficult truths courtesy of Black.

He was by the window right outside of the dorms and looking out onto the grounds. It was dark but I was able to make my way to stand in front of him. He actually looked quite nervous and anxious. This was odd because Severus was always so self-assured and unapologetically himself. It was one of the many things I loved about him but I was also relieved he wasn't completely unaffected by our falling out.

He cleared his throat, "Prim, I think we've gone on long enough without talking. I'm sure you've grown to miss our easy camaraderie as well. Besides Lily isn't pleased with the state of things."

Ah, so Lily had put him up to this. I mistakenly thought he missed me on his own. It was so infuriating how he jumped to do everything Lily told him. He was never like that with me. I had to practically beg him whenever I wanted something.

"Well, I'm not the one who conveniently disappears when the other comes around," I replied.

I never stood up to Severus always readily accepting what he said but now I was empowered by my talk with Black.

"Prim, don't act as though you haven't behaved out of sorts as well," Severus said with the beginnings of a scowl.

"Well maybe if you stopped trying to impress your Slytherin friends by being cruel to others I wouldn't," I said heatedly, "I know that's not you Severus. That's why it upsets me so badly. I feel like they're manipulating you."

He heaved a heavy sigh, "That's unfortunately the status quo in Slytherin. It's not like I particularly want to but it's either that or being targeted myself. Don't you think I deal with enough because of the blasted Marauders? I can't afford to make more enemies."

I could see where he was coming from but I couldn't in good conscience ignore all he'd done. Despite my crush and our friendship, it was time to be honest with myself.

It wasn't fair to those he and his friends had unjustly hurt and ridiculed. I owed it to them to look into Severus' change from a kind, simply misunderstood boy to the borderline cruel teenager I saw trailing behind Avery and Mulciber.

I was afraid Severus was no longer the sweet boy I'd befriended all those years ago. I wouldn't lose hope though, I knew he was still in there somewhere.

"I'm just worried, can't you see that? I'm scared of what you might become," I pleaded.
Severus gave me a look that made my heartache. I loved him so dearly and I didn't want to lose him to the evils of the Wizarding World.

"I'm still the same Severus you met in Cokeworth," he said with such conviction.

I really looked at him, for the first time in a long time. I saw his hands clenched at his sides which he tended to do when he was nervous or upset. I saw his unkempt robes and the pallor of his skin as though he had been losing sleep or simply not taking care of himself. Out of everything it was the sadness and stress I saw in his eyes that made my defenses falter. It was like I was looking at the boy I'd met in the park. The boy who taught Lily and me about the beautiful world we would soon be a part of. The boy who pushed me on the swing set and tied my shoes to stop me from tripping. The boy I so desperately loved.

"I missed you, Sev."

I could deal with everything else later, he needed me now.

He gave me a wobbly smile, "And I you."

As long as I had known him, Severus was a very emotional person. He would express anger, frustration, and disappointment like no other. It was happiness that he had difficulty showing.

To save him the trouble I launched myself at him and hugged him. We staggered with the force and suddenness of it but he caught me wrapping his arms around me tightly.

I still had other feelings to sort through but my loyalty still laid with Severus. He was struggling by the looks of it and I needed to be there for him. He'd been my friend for so long I couldn't just drop him because of a few mistakes.

I knew we'd barely grazed the surface of what needed to be said but that was okay for now. We would soon have a more thorough conversation. I hoped he would be open to talking and changing for the better. I trusted him and knew deep down he was a good person.

A snarky giggle from behind led us to break our embrace and turn around. To my dismay, it was Potter who gave us a haughty expression and continued to laugh.

"What in Merlin's name are you doing with Snivellus, Evans?" My cheeks heated up even though it was just a hug between friends.

"Now that this Gryffindor trash is here, I think I'll take my leave," Severus spat.

It was a shame Potter had arrived ruining a perfectly good moment between us. I debated hexing the prat.

"You're the only thing that stinks around here," retorted Potter but thankfully Severus just glared. I didn't want a duel to break out after such a long day.

Severus smoothed down his robes and ignored the snickering Potter continued to do. He wished me goodnight and I saw him walk into the darkness of the hall back to the dungeons.

I was left alone with Potter who was still laughing to my annoyance. He was absolutely ridiculous. What harm was there in hugging a friend? Okay yes, I had romantic feelings for said friend but they weren't reciprocated so it was no big deal.

I saw no point in conversing with Potter and headed back through the portrait. It had been an exhausting past few hours and I just wanted to sleep.

I finally felt good for the first time in a long time. It seemed I was even on good terms with Black who surprisingly helped me through the whole situation. Best of all, I could go back to spending time with Severus.

When we walked into the Common Room, Black was completely alone and sitting at the fireplace. He looked up and smiled widely presumably at the arrival of his friend.

"Prim, how are you feeling?" he asked earnestly.

I hadn't expected Black to speak to me before even talking to Potter but it was probably because he'd last seen me near tears.

I smiled reassuringly, "I'm great, actually."

Black nodded, "Glad to hear it."

We looked at each other for a second. I really was grateful for the advice and the shoulder to lean on he'd offered me. All in all he wasn't as bad as I thought.

Potter waited through the exchange quietly before speaking, "Hey, mate. Did you forget I was here?"

I shook myself out of the trance I had fallen into looking at Black's chocolate eyes and warm smile. He also broke eye contact and finally spoke to his friend.

They sounded like they were getting ready to launch into conversation so I decided to leave them to it.

As I slinked by on my way to the girls' dormitory, I heard Black softly call out, "Goodnight."

I turned back and saw Potter looking inquisitively while Black just gave another kind expression.

"Goodnight, Black." I offered a smile of my own.

It was becoming easier to bestow these on him. That was something I never thought I'd say but fourth year was already amounting to be full of surprises.

I was almost all the way up the stairs when I heard Potter faintly say, "You won't believe what I saw before coming in here, Padfoot."

I didn't catch the rest but I was sure it had nothing to do with me. He would probably delve into a long-winded story about Lily doing some simple, boring task.