Kiss Me Goodnight (L.S.)

Twenty-Three

Saturday morning I wake to the sound of quiet humming, and the feeling of small, delicate fingers running through my hair.

For just a few moments, I pretend I'm still sleeping, only so I can soak in the serenity of this moment, but my smile betrays me as Louis' humming gets slightly out of tune. Immediately, the humming stops and is replaced by a gentle laugh. "How long have you been awake, Love?" Louis asks, leaving a soft kiss on my hairline just before I turn my eyes up to see him.

The hair atop Louis' head is wild, spiking out in all different directions, and his white shirt is crumpled from where my head has just been on his chest. Mornings like these are my favorite. Waking to Louis' morning look, in my bed— after a night of some ridiculous idea Louis has just pulled out of thin air— has easily become my favorite view. I simply just laugh and shake my head, avoiding his question before sitting up.

"You know, we're very lucky your mum has never walked in while I stayed the night here. Although, no better way to find out about us than to see you cuddled on top of me, hogging the covers," Louis laughs, also sitting up but leaning against the headboard.

"Ah the beauty of door locks," I mumble, sleepily, before defending myself. "And I do not hog the covers," quickly, I grab the pillow from behind me and wack Louis in the chest. A devilish grin spreads on his cheeks and for a moment, I'm worried a pillow fight is about to insure.

"Locked doors, huh?" The mischievous tone of voice has me caught off guard as he continues. "So no one will see if I do this." With one quick motion, he has pinned me to the mattress and straddled my waist. I can't help but laugh as his fingers move at lightning speed, tickling my sides. Apparently, though, he did not think this through, as he slaps his hand over my mouth. "Hush Harry! Locked doors do not mean soundproof!" But even he's laughing as he says it.

The moment his eyes meet mine though, finally leaving the door, deeming that no one has heard us, no one is laughing anymore. The entire energy in the room has shifted from playful, to something much heavier. As Louis stays on top of me, he slowly removes his hand from my mouth, only to bend down and replace it with his lips. The motion is so slow, it's almost unbearable, but the pace only intensifies as his tongue slips into my mouth. I whine as the warmth of his kiss leaves my mouth, only to moan as it connects to a soft section of my neck just below my jaw. I can only let out another noise as I feel his hips grind down once on mine.

"Louis I-" I begin, but I don't even have to finish the sentence before I feel Louis' body peel away from mine.

"I know, I'm sorry," he mumbles and I can only feel guilt as he sits on the end of the bed. Louis has been the most understanding man I have ever met in this relationship and I feel as though he deserves so much more than I have given him. This is not the first time I've stopped Louis from going very much further than making out. The reality is that even though this technically wouldn't be the loss of my virginity, Claire and I did spend a few nights together before I left, but I feel like it's a whole new kind of first, and though I want to, I'm also terrified.

Growing up, my father gave me the sex talk and was always there to answer my questions, but any question I had ever asked him was about what it was like to sleep with a woman. I never thought I'd need to know the logistics of having sexual intercourse with another guy. Obviously, I'm not too naive, I know how everything would work, and of course, I've seen those types of videos, but the thought of going through with it, while it makes my blood run, still is a scary thought to me. How much will it hurt? What do I need to buy? How am I sure I'm not wrong in assuming which position Louis will take as opposed to what I'm supposed to do?

I shake my head as overwhelming questions pore into my brain. Without speaking, I slowly inch my way to the bottom of the bed, meeting Louis by his side.