Confiding in You ϟ a.i.

Chapter 59

"How are you guys so similar?" She stares up at me, "It scares me!"

I'm not even sure how to accept this. Maddie's worst nightmare and I are practically the same person. The only thing different is the way we treat her.

The more I think about it, the more in disbelief I am. If my timeline is right, I was talking to him when it happened. I was pals with him when he did this to her.

"It scares me that you guys are friends," she mumbles, falling forward until she falls against me. She trembles, near convulsing, and takes sharp breaths while burying her head in my chest. I pull her up in my arms and thankfully she doesn't flinch.

"You know I won't hurt you, right?" I ask and I feel her head bob up and down against me, "Do you want me to give him a piece of my mind?"

"No," she emphasizes, pushing her head forward as if it will go any further into my chest.

"Okay," I breathe, rubbing her back.

It's quiet, then, aside from a sob or a wimper from her every so often. She should run out of tears, but she never does and I wish I didn't let this happen.

I knew it. I knew she wouldn't be okay, but I took her word for it. And of course I just had to leave Peter's profile open. Or Ethan's. Whatever. Everything I do seems to make things worse.

The one thing I do right is the only thing keeping her with me. Good thing I won't ever stop wanting to keep her safe and happy. That's the one thing about me that's not so shitty.

"I think you need some sleep," I tell her, trying to lay back but she puts her hand up to stop me, looking at me with eyebrows knit together.

"But--"

I know what she's afraid of, and I wish there was something I could do about it. Really, what I wish I could do is get inside her mind and wipe the memory of it clean.

"If you're having a nightmare, I'll be right here."

Hesitantly, she nods and I lay down. She adjusts herself, so she's laying against my side with her head on my shoulder, sighing. I hope, if anything, she feels safe right here. I hope she's doing all she can not to put herself back in the memory.

"I feel so gross," she says softly, squirming around and making a noise of disgust.

"I'm sorry," I say. I can't stop wanting to hit myself for tonight.

"It's not you," she replies softly. She's stopped crying, but now she's just staring at nothing with a blank face.

She rests one of her hands on my chest and it's like ice against my bare skin. I don't question her, and her heavy eyes start to fall shut.

"Every time I almost start to sleep, it feels like I'm falling," she murmurs after a moment, keeping her eyes closed.

"It's okay," I say, "Keep trying."

Eventually, after twitching back awake multiple times, her breathing slows. I'm wide awake.

I reach over her to get my cell phone, careful not to move her much. When I turn it on, I have two messages from Peter/Ethan, and my stomach ties in knots.

It's weird as f*ck not having any work at all over break

Two hours later.

You better be getting some right now.

I lower my phone from my face, my chest sinking. I shouldn't answer him at all, but it's so hard not to want to reach through my phone and strangle him to death.