The Light's Dark

YanLi's Freak Out

Jiang Yanli stormed out of the room, breath heaving in and out, unable to really find the strength to hold back the tears which were slowly forming within the corners of her eyes. Although, how could she truly do such a thing after what had just happened? She had stood up to her mother in the middle of the court! In front of hundreds of people, in front of all of the main sects barring GusuLan, who had already begun the task of returning to the Cloud Recesses. She had stood, and shouted in a manner so unbefitting of a woman, and yet...

She could not bear to bring herself to feel resentful towards her actions. She could barely muster the guilt that she should feel upon having shouted in the middle of court proceedings as her brother was taken by the Second Young Master Lan. If anything else, she felt a sort of firm pride at the realization that she had finally...after so many years...stood her ground. While, perhaps A-Xian was not awake to hear her words, she doubted that he would have let her say such things in the beginning if he had been. In some sort of perverse way she was glad that he was unconcious. That way she had been able to defend him in the way she liked to.

It was something that she should have done ever so long ago, and yet she had not. She felt such a huge surge of guilt as she realized that she may have been able to stop all the pain and horrors that her young brother had been forced to endure had she only spoken on the subject. She had done many things, including feeding the boy, tending to his wounds, aiding him in as many ways as she could possibly think to do so. Often times, people tended to forget that sometimes the biggest way to help another is to stand with them, and to stand for them.

Yanli felt as though she had failed her brother. Wei Ying had never deserved he pain he was forced to handle at their mother's insistence that he was a bastard child. Now, upon really looking at it, she could not understand why her mother would even believe such rumors. Sure, she may have despised Changzi because of the fact that they father had at one point in time, found himself in love with her, but she could not understand how everyone seemed to fail to remember the fact that she rejected him. 

Yanli almost felt somewhat sick to her stomach, if she was being honest. After all, how could she simply stand by and watch as these sorts of things happened over and over again. Only speaking when it was the last opportunity. Perhaps forever. What had become of her, to allow herself to watch as Wei Ying hid his struggles with a smile and some liquor. She supposed she should have wondered to herself why it was that he was always quiet and sad anytime he thought others were not around. 

It was not as though she could not see it either. Though perhaps she had forced herself to maintain a sense of obliviousness. Hoping that it would work, but she also found herself realizing that when it really came down to it, she truly needed to realize that, Wei Ying, despite his demeanor, could only handle so much pain. Seeing him flinch...actively flinch...away from such a timid cultivator, a friend that he had made even, at the mere thought of the other just touching his shoulder in greeting? Yanli knew that something was wrong. It hurt to see her little brother distance himself so far from them. 

Though she supposed that they had sort of had that one coming for a while now. YanLi knew that it was only a matter of time before A-Xian could not take anymore, and she had hoped that she would be with him at that point in time. Unexpectedly, however, it was not her nor Jiang Cheng that had been standing at Wei Ying's side when he finally broke down, but Lan Wangji, the Second Young Master of the GusuLan Sect.

She had suspected that something was going on quite a while ago. It was not often that Wei Ying bothered to try and actively pester a person so much. Despite his constant claims about him being 'boring' and 'annoying', perhaps even if he did not notice, A-Xian had spent most of the time on the Cloud Recesses complimenting him. Whether it was his music inclination, his cultivation ability, or his looks, there was always something that the other was complimenting. Not to mention, when complaining about Lan Zhan, there was always this sense of fondness in his tone.

You would have to be blind not to notice the clear attraction that Wei Ying had towards Lan Zhan. Yanli had thought that perhaps it would go away, after all, Wei Ying had never once showed any inclination towards men, and yet upon watching the two, it became quite obvious that there was something more then just...a one time fling going on. Wei Ying liked Lan Zhan, and it was somewhat obvious to Yanli that, despite for all he may speak and pretend otherwise, Lan Zhan seemed to reciprocate such things. 

They were both simply so young that they did not really know themselves or even quite understand the depth of their care for each other yet. So, while it was most certainly obvious, Yanli knew that this bond that they had, it would be stronger then most. She longed for something similar. 

However, it was a sad realization to Yanli when she realized that she probably would not have something similar. Tears began to fall down her cheeks as she realized that even if Jin ZiXuan did not hate her before-though it was quite obvious from his cruel comments to her that he did-he most certainly would now. She had acted with such unbecoming behavior, and in front of entire mountains of sects. 

She inhaled a shuddering breath as she forced herself to calm down. Clutching her hands into fists, she slowly forced herself to a state of calm. She would not allow herself to dwell upon Jin ZiXuan. She could not force him to return her feelings, and even if he did, their engagement was broken. He could have his vast variety of women. Anyone he wanted, and she was sure...hat there was someone better then her. After all, he had said so herself.