The Light's Dark

Jin ZiXuan Admires

Jin ZiXuan hated romance. Really, he hated anything to do with promises, which were merely destined to be broken. One look at his family and anyone would understand why exactly that was. His father was a slut, and while such a name was typically reserved for women, it was within such a household as his that one realized that Men could be more perverse and cruel then women sometimes in the arts of sex. His father regularly cheated on his mother with other women. He would sometimes bring them into the sect under the cover of night into his bedchambers, and sometimes he would disappear and go to them. Brothels were almost a constant visitation with his father. It was quite demeaning for his mother, and it angered him quite severely. Furthermore, he hated the resigned demeanor that his mother had more often then not when such topics were eventually brought up. Though he was his father's only legitimate heir, the number of bastard children he sex crazed addict had was almost infinite. More seemed to pop up every year, and with each new child he was forced to see his mother withdraw a little more each time, for though others advised against it, his mother had once truly loved his father.

Of course, he never understood why that was. To each his own, he supposed, but his father's appearance was just as bad as his personality. Though, he supposed the other must have been handsome in his own right when he was younger. It was the only thing that made much sense so that his mother would be utterly captivated with the man. Their marriage was arranged, and had been for a few years before they actually wed and ended up with child, and he had heard that his mother was quite pleased with being given the opportunity to marry his father. He also knew that it was just a nightmare in the waking. His father was entirely unfaithful. He knew that it used to pain his mother far more in the beginning, when she was forced to hear him as she lay in bed. It would have been awful, and he simply could not understand the lengths of cruelty his father would go to. To have love with so many, his mother not feet away from them? At least send her to a different room, though Jin ZiXuan had long ago realized that it was to ensure that his mother knew that she was replaceable. 

He also knew that his father would not risk divorcing his mother. Such things would drown his reputation, the reptutation of the sect-whatever little there was left-as well as leave him without an heir, and given the fact that he was simply not in the mood to train a whole new heir, he merely stayed with ZiXuan's mother out of convenience. Though, despite knowing such things, his mother still held out faint hope. It rather hurt him to see such hope dashed again and again. 

Eventually, he had seen the light stripped from her eyes. To witness the slow decay was more painful then he could truly describe. It was a horrible thing to watch, and even more horrible knowing that despite all he could try, there was honestly nothing that he could do to make his mother feel better. His mother now, the woman that she had grown to become, held little love for her husband, and it was quite obvious upon even glancing at them. They sat several inches apart, never spoke, and never touched each other. They barely even looked in the same direction as the other person. 

While he knew that his fears over arranged marriages should not have influenced his actions upon his own impending marriage, they had. Jin ZiXuan had been terrified. Of himself. He was a Jin, he was a sect heir, who was to say that he would not end up like his father one day? Bedding any beauty that he comes across. He would never put such a gentle person through such a thing. it was more then that however, he simply did not love Jiang Yanli. The woman was plain, and far too gentle. He was not sure what others even saw in her. What was so great about a woman like her? She was the sect leader's daughter, and that was about it. 

At least he had thought such things before. Yet the Yanli that had just left the hall was a very different person then the one he was used to. He was not entirely certain what had just happened. He was not even too sure that he wanted to know, simply too dazed from everything to really be capable of comprehending what exactly it was that was going on. 

In his defense, however, he had almost been attacked from a previously believed dead person, fought through a battle, and was now attending a conference. He did have to admit that his words were quite...uncalled for. He had seen the shock and disgust in Yanli's eyes as he had laid into her. He was disgusted with himself as well.

For all that he tried not to be his father, he seemed to have hurt people just the same. Only, in a different way. Sure he had been angry, but he realized also he had not even bothered to ask her what had happened. He had simply made accusations without having all of the knowledge. Something which now made him look foolish.

Though he was still a bit too stunned with the blatant shouts at Madam Yu to even think about how foolish he must have looked towards everyone else around them. To see her, standing up for someone she cares about, seeing the passion in her eyes, the love around her features, and the determination in her voice, and the sheer confidence in her step as she strode straight out of the doors having finished her piece, he realized that Wei Ying had been right all along.

He did not know Yanli at all. He assumed things about her, and did not really bother thinking about the true her.