Cut the strings and set me free

Part 3- a puppet tied to countless strings

The clock ticks closer and closer to the wedding ceremony, to the cursed fated hour where three lives will be torn apart, where everything I'd ever wanted would shatter into a million pieces, where all my dreams and hopes would like smoke go curling into the air, vanishing from sight.

It felt like the end was near. That each burst of laughter, each bubble of voice was bringing me closer and closer to the edge, bringing me to that state of no return.

And each sleepless night, each tear wrung out of my exhausted body and soul was consumed by the night's darkness, hidden away under the cover it provided. And in the day I tried to be the best version of me, trying to keep the me that begged and pounded on the barriers I held up, to let them fall, to let me rush to her, to fall to her knees and beg, beg for a chance, for anything but this.

And yet I knew I couldn't do that.

Knew I couldn't ask her to throw away everything her life was built towards, everything the nation relied on solely because all I had to offer was my heart, weakly beating and struggling to continue thudding without her. Without Jimin.

It didn't matter how much efforts I put in to make the day the absolute best I could. It didn't matter that I'd sat through hours in the steam-filled kitchens to list all of her favourite foods, the tastes I knew could appease to her even if she wasn't in the mood. It didn't matter that the Masters of the Wardrobe were instructed by me to make the clothes for her of the utmost comfort, ordering soft linings for her shoes because I knew just how much she had trouble sleeping if her legs throbbed with pain. It didn't matter about any of the details because the main picture that was assembled didn't include me, didn't include Jiminie, didn't have the three of us together.

The harsh inconsumable reality was that it was all for a future that I had no part of.

And yet the longer I stared at myself, the longer I tried to peer into my depths I found that the image of me faded away, melted away without her. Coming to the conclusion that with the future the nations had charted out, I simply didn't exist. I faded away.

And everytime I closed my eyes I was plagued with the sight of her in tears, her final farewell slipping off her lips, finally daring herself to take in that moment of just the three of us.

How bitterly fitting that our first meeting and final meeting under the tree was filled with tears. That the same girl who'd once wiped away my tears as I'd fallen from the tree, cradling my broken leg on her lap as she wiped away my stream of tears with small chubby fingers was the same woman who pressed a kiss to my skin and cried as she tore herself away from us.

"Your Highness, Prince Jimin is demanding your presence in your attending chamber. He says it's most urgent." The male attender announces, head bowed as he opens the door, not seeing that I stand there shattered and torn.

I nod.

"Please leave the chambers. I do not require further assistance." I say, finding that my voice wobbles and cracks.

There's another stiff bow and the sharp clacking of polished shoes as the man leaves.

I look at myself and glower, hating the weak man that greets me. Hate that I'm crying over my own actions, over my own inability to yell at her that duties be damned, that I'd spend every day working to keep a roof over our heads if our titles were stripped- if only she came with us.

And when I walk into the adjacent connecting chamber, dabbing at my wet face with the edge of my ruffled sleeves I stop short.

Because Jimin is standing there, finely dressed, every bit a mighty prince had it not been for the confused, worried expression on his face, plump lip dragged between teeth.