Schizophrenic

IV

My family and I moved over the summer with my little brother Ashton. Luke was at the new house when my family and I pulled up, hiding behind the bushes. He knew where we'd love before I did. Whenever I would ask him about how he got to the house, he'd wave it off. He'd change the subject. Soon, the subject was Ashton. Like hated Ashton. Makes fun of you behind your back, Luke said. Immature, he said. Doesn't love you, he said. Doesn't believe I exist, he said.
I loved Ashton and I hated seeing him go, but when I asked Luke what to do, he said there was only one way. The water was comfortable. Not too warm, not too cold. The beach was only a bike ride from our new house and I loved it. Luke loved it, too, but for a different reason. The beach was tucked away, hidden by trees. No one knew about it. No one would find out.
Ashton waded into the water, laughing and splashing, dirty blonde hair shining in the sun. Sand went between my toes, sticking to my skin. Ankle deep. We went further and further, Ashton smiled at me. Drifting a bit in the water, I felt weightless. Waist deep.
"Maya, hurry up!" he hollered. I could almost feel Luke sneer at his innocence somewhere. We kept swimming deeper and deeper. I could barely touch the rocky bottom. Neck deep. "Maya! Look at what I can do!" He dove under. Fully submerged. Hands plunged into the water, searching desperately for the soft skin of Ashton's neck. Not my hands, though. Someone else's hands. Someone who was what we had to do. Someone who was good at this. I could feel Ashton squirm under the water, his small fingers gripping Someone's wrist. He was kicking and jerking, body spamming. Bubbles rose to the surface, signaling the water filling his throat. Luke came up from behind me.
"Hold on," he whispered. "Almost there," Fingers clawing, feet kicking, hands gripping, muffled screams. Not his screams, Someone Else's. Someone Else's screams of joy. Someone who was good at this. My body was tense and the struggling got slower, Ashton's legs growing still. I could see his face in the water, eyes wide open, staring back at me. No saving him now. Like nodded and I let go, feeling nothing. No sadness, no anger, no guilt. Not even when my parents cried. Not even when Luke smiled. Never any emotion.

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