I'll be here

Fourteen

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Sep. 11, 2001 9:10am                                                                                                    At Alex's apartment

I throw open the doors and begin calling his name.

 "JOHN! JOHHNNNNN!"

 There is a steady beeping sound but I push it to the back of my brain and continue calling his name. 

"LAURIE! JOHN WHERE ARE YOU?!"

 I already know he's not here, I already know he was still in those towers. Our apartment is too small for him to have not heard me, plus I've searched every inch of it. But I still hold out hope, as any person would do. 

Until I don't.

 I sit on our bed and we shared crying.

 "L-Laurie, don't-leave me. I n-need y-you." 

Squish comes over and rests his head on my leg. 

"W-we need you" the beeping grows louder, and I turn to look at the phone, one voice message, one voice message from John hamilton. 

I run/stumble over to the phone and put it to my ear. 

"Hey lex," John's voice rings through, a little staticky. 

"So, I'm sure you have already heard what happened. I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm apologizing, but it feels right, so I'm sorry Lexi. I love you with every fiber of my being, tell squish I love him too-" John starts coughing. 

"I-im sorry my love, I have to go. I love you." then the line goes silent.

 I drop the phone and run to the kitchen where the prescription drugs are, I can't live without john.

 But I must have opened the wrong cupboard because there are john fruit loops still there on the shelf. 

My tears flow freely without any chance of bringing them to a stop, I slide down to the floor and hold myself sobbing until my- John's hoodie is soaked. 

Then I hear him say, "Hey, hey Lexi." 

I slowly look up to see a faint outline of my love, 

"You better not kill yourself, Alex. I will be so fucking pissed if you kill yourself. I don't want to see you as a ghost for a long time. You hear me?" 

I gave him a faint nod. "

You're allowed to move on, it's ok. Because I'll be here even if you decide to get rid of my favorite hoodie.'' I grab a handful of the wet hoodie and hold it tight never.

"Even if you go out, on my birthday this year, instead of sitting at home letting all of life's moments pass by, you don't have to cry. Because I'll be here when you start going back to the places we went to together when you take off your ring and you let yourself smile." he wipes a tear from my cheek.

" When you meet someone who's caring and patient and true when they say they want to be married to you. When they call you one night and they meet you downtown, and you finally answer them yes. I'll be here." John hugs me from behind but he's fading fast. 

"I love you, Laurie." 

"I love you too Lexi."