Be More Chill (And A Few Dear Evan Hansen) One Shots!

Hanahaki Disease (AGAIN)- Mama's Bois

 (Yo yo yo what upppp? I know, I did finally update. You’re welcome, lmao. But thanks to jackisponge  for semi requesting this! They have a Kleinsen request too, and that's coming soon too! Also, I have two more one-shots coming!)

T.W.: Puking, blood, talk of death? Stay safe kiddos.

Michael’s P.O.V.

    Sunflowers. 

    I love them, and so does Evan. Hell, he loves them more than me. Last thing I thought, though, is that I’d be puking them out.

    I knew he didn’t love me back; it’s why I have this stupid disease. I’ve missed two days of school, I haven’t talked to Evan, my moms just think I’m sick, and this is just getting worse and worse. 

    Evan likes a guy. He hasn’t told me who, but he just... lights up when he talks about him. It’s so cute.

    I felt my stomach churn and I quickly grabbed the bucket by my bed. I gasp, hurl and heave, my cheeks dripping with tears as I place it to the side. 

    Daisies? Those are new…

    It makes sense though.

    Evan would always stop and admire daisies whenever we saw or walked by them. “They’re simple but still manage to be beautiful. Just like him,’ he would say.

    All I really know is unreturned love. First it was Jeremy, but then he found Jake. I finally learned to move on after a good year. Then it was Connor Murphy for a year and a half, but he ended up with Jared Kleinman. I swore off boys. I was done with love. But then I laid eyes on Jeremy’s step brother Evan, and it all went to shit. 

    I flinch as I feel my stomach twist again, and I heave into the bucket once more. More daisies with one sunflower, but they were coated with blood. 

“Shit. Not good, not good-”

    I remember reading that once you start puking up blood when diagnosed with Hanahaki Disease, it's the beginning of the end. I’m just gonna puke up more until the flowers and thorns clog up my throat and I… y’know, suffocate to death. 

    I’ve accepted the fact that this love is unreturned, I’ve gotten used to having to do that. I’m in the middle of accepting the fact that I won’t beat this disease. What I haven’t even begun to accept the fact that I won’t see Evan or my moms again. I already miss him so much to the point where I can hardly breathe. 

    He’s just so… sweet. I love him. To an unexplainable extent. But he’ll never feel the same.

    This time I puked up blood and a couple of petals, but then I feel this indescribable pain rise up my throat as thorns slip past my lips. I bite back a scream and instantly take a sip of water from the cup on my nightstand, placing it back down. I sigh as I lay back down, fiddling with the sleeves on my hoodie and tucking my blanket around me.

    My brows furrow when I heard someone walking up the stairs, sitting myself on my elbows.

“Michael?”

    ...Evan?

    Shit shit shit.

    I feel flower petals build up in my throat and I quickly spit them into the bucket before hiding it behind my bed. “D-don’t- don’t come in-!”

    Of course, Evan walks into my room anyways, eyes widening as he saw me. 

“M-Michael? A-are you okay??”

    I bit my lip, slowly nodding and taking another sip of my water. “Just fine. What are you doing here, Ev?”

“Fine is a-a bull-shit word for the both of us and you know it. I came here because you haven’t been answering my calls or t-texts for the past two days… what’s going on?”

“I…”

    God, why is he so sweet? He knows me so well, too... 

    He walked up to my bed, starting to go to the other side so he could climb into my bed next to me.

“W-wait-” I tried to stop him from coming over to that side so he wouldn’t see the bucket, but I was too late. 

“A-are those… flowers?”

“Y-yeah.”

“Hanahaki…” he breathed out. “Who is it?”

    I just shake my head, fiddling with my hoodie sleeves. 

“Michael…”

“You can’t do anything about it, so why do you want to know?” 

“Because don’t you think I have the right? You’re my best friend, Mike. I don’t want to see you like this.”

“Evan-”

“Please.”

    I sighed and my eyes watered, looking at Evan as he sat on my bed next to me. “Tell me first.”

“W-what?” Evan asked, obviously confused as his face flushed a bit.

“The boy you love. Who is it?”

“Micha…”

“If you’re not gonna tell me, then leave.”

    That was harsh, I know. But I can’t tell Evan I love him. I wouldn’t let him feel guilty for the rest of his life just because he didn’t love me back.

    Evan looked at me with such hurt and sadness, before he looked down and away from me as he hid his face in hands. “Y-you. I’m in love with you.”

    And then everything froze.

    What the fuck? 

    I got a fucking life threatening disease, because I thought he didn’t love me. I… someone actually loves me. I think that’s the part that I’m having the most trouble with processing.

“Michael? I’m so sorry… I know it’s not fair t-to, to tell you like this, right now, but…” and he started to cry.

    I hate when Evan cries. He hates when he cries. Even Jared and Connor hate it when he cries. It’s just that heartbreaking to see him upset. 

“Evan… I love you too. I just… I saw whenever you looked at daisies, and you’d light up whenever you thought about the person you loved… you’re happy, and I didn’t want to make you feel bad for loving them.” 

    Evan looked up at me instantly, obviously trying to say something but he couldn’t spit the words out. “W-what made you think I d-didn’t love you?”

“I… just sometimes I feel incapable of love.”

    Evan bit his lip and looked at me with concern, shaking his head and cupping my cheek. “I love you, Micha. Always h-have. And, if I’m being honest, I thought you knew.”

“You thought I, the oblivious, anti-social headphones kid, figured out on my own that you love me?”

    Evan giggled with a nod before I placed my hand over the one on my cheek, and we both flushed as I smiled at him. 

“I mean… when you put it like that, now I just feel like an idiot,” he laughed.

“Nooo, you’re not an idiot, Ev.”

“Y-yes I am,” he smiled.

“So help me I will lay on top of you and not get off until you admit it,” I threatened with a playful huff. 

“You dork,” Evan laughed. 

“Your dork.”

“I like the s-sound of that,” Evan smiled, kissing my forehead softly.

1176 WORDS