Cut the strings and set me free

Part 2- threads that entangle

My eyes sting and prick with the tell-tale sign of more tears to come but I clench my eyes shut tight, unwilling to show myself that weakness, that vulnerability any longer even if no-one here is to witness it. And the tears that seep out regardless are hot with shame and embarrassment. Only I was the one who was being so weak, so affected. No-one else was.

So I had to suck it up and bear it.

And the dreams that sweep me away are a sweet respite from reality.

JIMIN POV:

I stand outside, dithering in the dimly-lit hallway with Taehyung, it was ridiculous. Turn around Jimin, turn around before you can't bring yourself to ever leave my mind whispers.

"Do you think we should go in? Will she want to see us?" Tae asks, voice low and soft and fretting from behind me.

It had taken every ounce of self-control, of every muscle to lock up and seize in that moment that held me back from either storming over to snatch her hand away from Jungkook as he slid the ring onto her finger and pulling her towards me or from sinking onto the polished floor and weeping- letting the extent of my grief to finally let itself out, for every single person in the room to see that it tore me apart, destroyed me to see her in the arms of another, to see her slowly slip away bit by bit.

And hours of silent observation, of waiting for that painful moment where she allowed Jungkook to brush a kiss across her gloved knuckles as they parted to end, a test of endurance and strength in itself, we waited until she walked out of the large ballroom, accompanied by her ladies in waiting and followed quietly- keeping a respectful and far enough distance that the two separate groups couldn't be associated.

But before we turned into the hallway that led to her chain of rooms, to the wing dedicated to her privacy, Tae's hand darted out to snag my wrist.

"Do you think we have this right any longer?" he asks, voice pained and eyes flickering with distress and thinly-veiled pain.

I tug my hand free and instead grab his, squeezing it.

"I will hold onto any rights I have when it comes to her for as long as I can Tae-ah." I murmured and had led him here.

But I'd found that courage slipping away as I heard the low murmured voices inside, heard the agonising pained pleas to be left alone, to be unattended, voice so raw and thick with pain that it made my eyes sting and heart clench painfully.

Somewhere in all of this, we were a part, a cause of that pain, of that sorrow and I barely feel Tae tug me aside to hide into a hidden nook as the ladies file out, muttering between themselves about how they'd never seen her this devastated, this shattered, this uncomposed.

And those words are what make the strength drain out of my body, sinking to the ground, head leaning against the wall. Tae follows suit, head curving towards mine in a silent search for comfort, for empathy, for reassurance that he wasn't alone in being torn apart with guilt and longing.

Time blurs, loses meaning as we clutch at each other, silently lost in thought, tormented by the echoes of her pained begging to be left alone ringing in my ears long after they'd quietened down from her own chambers. It's merely a wall that separates us, that keeps us away from rushing to her, from holding her and yet it seems to be the world's most impenetrable line of defence, a barrier that we cannot broach no matter how much we scrabble for purchase, no matter what tool we try to use.

And slowly hope dwindles away like a flickering weak ember that loses the will and strength to live, seeing options melt and fade and I begin to sink into that pit of despair, that abyss that is consuming and dark and unforgiving- one that promises loneliness and grief and misery as my companions.