begin again - charlie gillespie

chapter 32

i feel stupid. here i am thinking of how im going to say 'i love you' to her and she's too busy napping with owen. 

you're not good enough

i get even angrier as her mother's voice keeps repeating in my head. i get dressed and my hair and makeup done before heading to set. 

"charlie! have you written anything for the song lately?" madi greets me but i just ignore her before walking to the other side of the room, wanting to be alone. 

i hear footsteps approach behind me, i dont say anything until i hear owen's scared voice. 

"h- hey charli-" before he can even get anything out, i turn around and walk towards the other side of the room. 

i try to get through the scenes but i cant seem to remember my lines. i keep stuttering and saying things off script. we had to redo it so many times because of me. 

you're not good enough

her mother's voice says again in my head, making me want to rip all my hair out. Kenny calls a quits for today, telling us to come back tomorrow. i feel so bad and responsible for it that i immediately run off of set. 

"charlie!!" tori's voice says behind me. 

"not in the mood tori" i say, clearly upset. she catches up to me and furrows her eyebrows. 

"what's you your butt?" 

she follows me into my trailer, sitting on my couch as i start pacing.

"i walked in on olivia and owen sleeping" i say quietly and she gasps loudly

"with each other?!" i shake my head at her words

"no not like that, like they were really fast asleep and so close together. it really bothered me." i say reflecting on my actions. 

"i think i overreacted" i confess and she gives me a knowing look.

"you think?" 

"okay okay i overreacted. it just bothered me well because i know he likes her. i dont know why i freak out so bad. and to make it worse, her mom's words start haunting me. like the minute i doubt myself, suddenly it's like her mom's voice is forever on loop in my head! i see her with owen and i cant help but feel insecure." i stop pacing and look at tori, she looks at me with a sad expression.

"i know they're best friends and i know how much she cares for him, but her mothers words always come back and just consume me. he's been more successful in acting, he's been on big channels and now this and who knows what he'll do next. and then there's me." i say crossing my arms across my chest, everything coming out of me like word vomit.

"there's you and you're enough! you're the main lead in this big netflix show! you have many more things coming! she loves you charlie, it's so obvious that she does. if she wanted to be with owen, she would be." tori tries to comfort me, standing up from her spot and walking over to where i was standing, putting her hands on my arms.

"she hasnt said 'i love you' to me yet, not since we were younger" i look towards the wall, feeling vulnerable.

"well have you said it to her?" she questions me, turning my face towards her, keeping her hands on my face. i shake my head no, not wanting to answer her questions anymore. i just want to be with olivia. 

"she would be stupid not to be in love with you" she says quietly. i furrow my brows unable to process what she said as she pulls my face towards her, kissing me. 

i widen my eyes in shock and pull away from her, seeing a shadow from the entrance of my trailer. i look over and i feel my heart fall down to my ass when my eyes lock with olivia.

owen pushes her back and it's like i saw the light leave her eyes. 

"olivia! wait!" i try and go towards them, pushing tori off of me. 

"im sorry!" tori yells after me, i turn back to look at her. she has tears in her eyes now and her bottom lip is shaking. 

"just stay away from me tori, please" i say before i run after owen and olivia. i see owen helping her into his car. 

i run as fast as i can to get to them. owen closes her door and shoves me back before i can get to her.

"owen it's not-"

"no charlie, you listen to me." he says angrily, getting in my face. it takes me by surprise because well, ive never seen him angry. 

"you had the perfect girl by your side, the girl of my dreams! for you to toss her aside and hurt her like this? are you fucking joking me?" he says shoving me again, the tears welling up in my eyes as he speaks.

"TORI KISSED ME, I DIDNT KISS HER" i yell back at him. he shakes his head at me, unsure if he believes me. i should've listened to olivia, all those times she told me she didn't trust her. if i would've listened, none of this would've happened.

"just leave olivia alone" he says walking away and getting into his car. 

as he reverses his car, i can see her from the side mirror. she's staring straight ahead, her eyes lifeless as her chest rises and falls rapidly, like it's hard for her to breathe. the tears constantly streaming down her face.

i fall to my knees at the sight of her. my heart shattered in a million pieces as the girl i love drives away from me.

a.n

a lot of yall wanted to kill me for that last chapter lmaoo

now you know, tori took advantage of a vulnerable moment with charlie, causing all this MESS. 

anyways, did yall see episode 4 of behind the band?? just when i think im getting better, i start simping once again for charlie smh

you guys know the drill, keep voting and commenting! reading your comments is my favorite part of the day lol.  love you guys <3 - cyn