Mistakes [ dreamnotfound AU ]

Chapter 1: Water

George's POV

I mute my mic to get up to go into the kitchen for a glass of water. Who would've thought that screaming for an hour would hurt?

As soon as I step onto the cold kitchen floor I'm reminded of the cold, cold thoughts that surround me all day. I can't escape them, not even in my kitchen. On the cabinet, there's a paper taped with various foods and food brand names.

I stared at it for a while before snapping back into reality and opening the refrigerator door. The light illuminates the empty insides of it, and I reach out to get a cold water bottle. My scrawny arm gets an outline from the baggy sweater I'm wearing. Usually, people think of men wanting to have that big and strong body type. Not me. I'm not even sure why. Just sort of been like this for the past year.

I chuckle to myself and think, "Good job." At least my work is visible.

I shut the fridge door lightly and turn around to head back to my computer and my stream. But I suddenly become drawn towards that cabinet with the paper on it. I remember the night I printed it out.

It was a late-night, I was talking to Clay for a while and he teased the idea of coming to visit me. He talked about it enough for me to fixate over the fact that he would be able to see me. The entirety of me. The feeling of anxiety keeping my body in a chokehold was too much for me to keep on going with the call. We ended the call a couple of minutes after that, I said that I was tired and had to go to bed soon. As soon as the call ended I started googling every item of food I had in my kitchen at the time, and it's calories. 10 minutes of pure stress and fascination was what I went through while making that list. Printed it out, and stuck it onto my cabinet as a constant reminder.

I take a couple of steps towards it and start reading it. My eyes scan every letter and number as if I was studying it.

I look down at my water and start to feel hungry. Like a sharp stab through my stomach telling me to do something about it. My eyes then go back to the paper.

"I can't. Not now. I can't ruin everything I've worked for just for an entirety of pain." I had a stream to get back to anyways. I couldn't thank chat enough for taking me out of this situation.

I head back to my computer and feel the hardwood floor creak beneath me. Another reminder. Another thing that gives into my head and it's thoughts.

I unmute my mic, seeing that nothing's happened to my minecraft character. Dream is crouching in front of me and punching the air. I lightly chuckle at the sight of it. "God, he can be cute for the dumbest things." I think to myself.

"What are you doing Dream?" I punch Dream's character into the water and he starts doing his classic wheeze laugh.

"Nothing, but it took you a hell of a time to get water!" He chuckles back at me.

I glanced over at the time and It took me 10 minutes to get water. Now's not the time to explain what just happened.

"Oh yeah, I just got really distracted. I don't know why." I say as I try to change the subject.

"What do you think you want to do? I'm getting kind of tired." Not entirely a lie. I mean I am a little tired but I really just want to go outside and take my run.

"Oh come on! You always leave at this time." He says that as if he's sad. I know no one would be sad if I just shut up and left everyone alone. But the fact he's caught on to me always leaving now gets me worried if he'll catch onto everything else I do. "But if you want to end your stream you can George, no one's stopping you."

Score.

I let the final donations and messages go through before ending my stream. I was just about to put on my coat and head through the door before I got a text.

It's from Clay.