Something

how I realized I am non-binary and my story

So for some context, I was in 6th grade when all this happened okay into the story

How did I realize I was non-binary? Well, one day one of my friends came out as non-binary (I won't be mentioning their name for privacy), and I was completely uneducated on the matter, so they told me what it was. At the time, I was questioning my sexuality, I didn't know if I was bi or lesbian. That night, I looked at myself in the mirror, and something about my waist-length hair with the tips dyed a purple-pink just didn't sit right with me. A few months later, I would lay awake at night thinking about why I felt so uncomfortable in my body, then it hit me. I didn't want to be a girl. But I didn't want to be a boy either. I wanted to be non-binary. A few weeks later, my grandma would take me to get a haircut, but I cut my hair extremely short. Most of the time it honestly looked terrible but it made me feel more comfortable in my body. The next time I went shopping for clothes, I bought more oversized shirts. But I wasn't ready to come out yet, so whenever someone asked why I stopped wearing more form-fitting tops and cut my hair, I would just reply with "dunno, I just like dressing this way and short hair is easier to manage". But here's the thing SHORT HAIR ISN'T EASY TO MANAGE WHEN YOU HAVE HAIR AS THICK AS MINE. I still have short hair and it's extremely frizzy and hard to deal with. 

I wouldn't get around to coming out until the beginning of 7th grade. But when I did, my friends were nothing but supportive. They asked for my preferred pronouns and name. I still stick with my preferred name to this day, Sammy. And they all respected me for deciding to use they/them pronouns. For once, I felt like I fit in somewhere. I was happy with who I was. Over time though, my grades started dropping and my mom and her (now EX) boyfriend considered moving me to a private school. I still don't fully understand why I didn't try harder to change their minds, but around February of this year (2020 if you're from the future), I was moved from my public school where I was accepted for who I am to a completely new environment, a Christian private school. I was honestly terrified of saying something wrong and outing myself on accident. And I remember one day, my science teacher was talking about getting married. (this was somewhat recent, during quarantine and online school) And she specifically said gay people, lesbians, and people who, and I quote, "Claim to not know their genders" should go to hell. (Side note: y'all are valid and deserve to be treated like everyone else) At that moment, all I could do was turn off my webcam and mute my microphone. I hid my head in my hoodie, took of my glasses, and tried to hold back my tears until class was at least over. I somehow managed to, so as soon as I left the class group call, I ran to the bathroom, sat on the floor, and cried. How I managed to convince myself that my science teacher would think of me as having a valid gender I don't know. Like according to her "claim to not know their genders" thing, I don't know my own gender, but I do, I know I'm non-binary.  

As of when I came out to my family, I honestly don't remember. One thing I remember is that my aunt has been there for me the whole time. She's an ally, and she respects me and encourages me to correct her when she gets my pronouns wrong. 

I honestly couldn't be happier I came out, I found supportive people there for me. I also found people who didn't think my gender is valid, but if you don't, that's okay. 

"I don't need you to respect me, I respect me. I don't need you to love me, I love me. But I want you to know that you can know me, if you change your mind..."