Heartstrings Attached II

Chapter Forty Five

"I've... I've hurt him, right?" I said, sad and embarrassed.

Nagkibit-balikat siya. "You've hurt each other. You misunderstood him. I'm pretty sure he misunderstood you too."

I sighed. Did I really just misunderstood him? Pero may kasalanan naman talaga siya eh. He did us wrong. Hinayaan niyang mangyari ang mga bagay na alam niyang makakasakit samin.

"He always call me..." marahan niyang kwento. "Ever since magpa-iwan siya dito sa Pilipinas para magaral sa Edmonton years ago, whenever something happened or kung may sama siya ng loob, he always call me. Siguro, it's his way of compensating for his physical absence in my life. One day, out of the blue, he confessed to me that he didn't want to sing anymore... Na iniisip niyang mag-quit na sa banda. He said, he couldn't find the joy in it anymore. Parang hindi na daw worth it..."

I played with the table napkin with my fingers while she spoke. Naaalala ko... Bigla kong naaalala ang mga araw na iyon na parang kahapon lang.

"Pero alam ko, he still loved singing," pagpapatuloy niya. "Kaya nga lang, napuno siya ng doubts dahil na rin siguro sa pressure na pasan-pasan niya noon. Everyone was expecting him to be perfect, while our mother was waiting for him to fail. Alam mo na sigurong ayaw na ayaw ni Mom na dito tumira si Kuya, right?"

I nodded.

"Well, my brother was really having a hard time. He even lost the energy to perform. Everyday, pinipilit na lang niya para sa mga kaibigan niya. And then, like some miracle... he met you."

"Sa music room," bulong ko pero narinig rin ito ni Maggie.

"Yup. He told me the exact day he met you. He was so excited. He said, para ka daw answer ng universe. Parang destiny," sabi niya. Napangiti siya na nagpalabas ng dimples niyang identical sa kapatid niya. "Tawang-tawa nga ako noon dahil first time ko lang siyang marinig magsalita nang ganoon. Especially about a girl. A girl she just met."

I couldn't help but smile. Ang sarap lang balikan ang araw na 'yon. When it was only just us sa music room. It's him, me and the music.

"Naaalala ko pa ang mga sinabi niya...  you reminded him of all the things he's forgotten. You were so shy, you were singing by yourself, but you had a smile on your face. You reminded him that he didn't need to be anyone or do anything. He just got to do what feels right at that moment."

I nodded. "I remember. Nasabi nga niya sakin dati. At first, it was really hard to believe. But it was Clark, of course I'd believe him."

"Did he also tell you that you're his first love?"

"Hmm?" gulat kong sambit. Napainom ako bigla. Alam kong nagka-girlfriend na no'n si Clark bago ako, pero nabanggit rin niya na never pa raw siya nainlove dati. Nakakapanibago lang na marinig 'yun ulit.

I'm Clark Stevenson's first love.

And he was mine.

"You made him really happy."

"And also caused him harm."

She gave me an empathetic smile. "He'll never think of it like that. Pinaalala mo sa kanya kung paano maging normal. Ever since kasi sobrang laki ng tingin sa kanya ng mga tao. Akala nila perfect siya. Hindi nila alam, it's just making him more insecure. Lalo na about his talent. Minsan daw naiisip niya kung mahal ba siya ng tao dahil sa talent niya o dahil lang sa itsura at status niya. And you made him feel like none of that ever mattered."

"But I still..." naluluha kong tugon. "I still disappointed him. Naaksidente siya dahil sakin. I took away everything from him."

"It was not your fault." Inabot niya ang kamay ko. "Kahit kailan hindi ka niya sinisi. Kaya wala ring karapatan ang kahit na sino na sisihin ka."

"But I still messed everything up."

"It's not too late, Ate. Never too late," tugon niya with eager eyes. "Kaya nga ako nandito. At least kahit papa'no, I could help you realize what's really going on."

"Anong ibig mong sabihin?"

"Kuya Clark never meant to hurt you. Ever," sagot niya. "Alam mo ba noong magising siya, alam niya agad na may kulang. Kahit na pilit sinasabi ni Mom na wala siyang tinatago, he knew that there's something missing. And he kept looking for it. Kahit na hindi niya alam kung ano o sino ang hinahanap niya."

Walang naikwento si Clark tungkol sa nangyari sa kanya sa States. Never ko ding natanong kasi feeling ko hindi niya gustong magkwento, na wala akong karapatang malaman. Kasi iba na siya.

O baka... Baka ako ang nagkulang dahil ni minsan hindi ko man lang nagawang kamustahin ang mga pinagdaanan niya.

Baka naging selfish ako. I just focused on how hard it was for me. Hindi ko man lang nausisa kung anong tunay na nararanasan niya.

Baka hindi siya ang nagbago...

Baka ako.

"Kaya nga siya nag-audition sa tv competition after niyang nalamang muntik na siyang magkaroon ng music career sa Pilipinas. Akala niya kasi, iyun yung kulang," pagpapatuloy niya. "He won pero... Hindi pa rin siya naging masaya. That's when I told him to go back to the Philippines and see his friends."

"Ikaw ang..."

She shook his head cutely. "Not exactly. Hindi naman kasi siya agad pinayagan lalo na ni Mom at ng management niya."

"So paano siya nakabalik?" paguusisa ko.

"Well, they received a business offer from Kuya Louis. Nalaman ng management na mayroon nang dating following si Kuya Clark dito sa Pilipinas kaya pinayagan nila. Ganoon daw talaga, they'd go where the money is ika nga."

Tumangu-tango ako. "I see."

"Yep. Of course, mom was not happy pero it's work kaya wala na siyang nagawa... Pagkatapos no'n, alam mo naman na ang nangyari. He came back here. Pero nahirapan din siyang mag-adjust. Sobrang naiilang siya kahit sa friends niya. Syempre, lalo na sayo."

"It actually felt like he hated me nang malaman niya kung sino ako."

Umiling-iling ulit siya. "Kuya Clark? No. He called me the moment he knew. He was really angry. Pero hindi sayo kundi sa sarili niya."

"Pero..." turan ko. "Hiniling nga niya sakin na kalimutan ko na siya."

"Ate Sky, imagine you're in his position. Nalaman mong may naghihintay sayo for years, pero hindi mo siya maalala. At kahit anong pilit mo wala kang magawa. Hindi mo alam kung kailan mo masusuklian ang paghihintay niya. He felt lost, Ate Sky... Pakiramdam ni Kuya mas masasaktan ka lang, mas mahihirapan lang kayong dalawa. He thought it was for the best na hayaan kang mag-move forward sa buhay mo na wala siya, since hindi naman niya kaya magbigay ng assurance na babalik ang memories niya."

Biglang may gumulong na luha sa pisngi ko na agad kong pinahid.

"But... He fell right back. He realized that it's you. Ikaw ang rason kung bakit siya nagbalik. He finally feel like he found the missing puzzle piece." Kinuha niya ulit ang mga kamay ko at hinawakan ito. "Kaya sana, huwag mo siyang sukuan. Kung ano mang nagawa niya this time, for sure hindi niya ginawa para saktan ka. Please, give my brother a second chance."

"Do I even deserve him, Maggie? I feel like I just keep on disappointing him ano man ang gawin ko."

She shook his head. "Not my kuya. With or without memories, siya pa din si Clark Stevenson. At ikaw pa rin ang Sky niya. Ano man ang desisyon mo, I'll understand. Pero sana pakinggan mo lang siya. Give yourself a chance to find the old Clark in him again. You'll realize that he's just the same... He'll always choose you."

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thatwallflowerwrites © 2020

Super late update. Sorry sorry. ☺️🙏

Take care always. God bless.

-- jen 🌺 ❤️