for him(i miss you)

for you..

i miss you. i miss the way you smile. i miss the way you laugh. i miss the 3 am talks and the 5 am thoughts i had about you. i miss the late night calls even when we had to be up early the next morning. i miss the way you were the first one i'd come to whenever anything happened to me, whether it was good or bad, i always came to you. i miss the way you'd talk to me. i miss the way you said i was better as myself than whoever i was trying to be to impress the stupid people who never cared. i miss the way you told me you loved me and i felt it. i miss the way those three words sounded whenever you said them to me. and even though those three words had an expiration date, i just want you to know that i love you. and if for some reason you find this story or poem or whatever it is, and if for some reason you decide to read it, i just want you to know that i love you. i love the way you smiled at me, hell i love the way you smile in general. i love the way you laugh. i love the way you said my name. i love the way you'd be yourself, and inspire me to be myself too. i love the way you'd call me at 2 am and we'd talk for what felt like 15 minutes but hung up when our phones were about to die at 5:30 am. i love the way your eyes would shine when you'd talk about something you loved. i love the way you were the only guy i could count on. i love the way you made me feel. i love the way you listened to me whenever i told you to let the natural curls flow instead of taming them for school. i love the way you stayed in facetime even when i fell asleep, and i love the way you'd stay until your mum caught you and grounded you for a week, sorry about that by the way. i love the way you helped me love my best life. i love the way you told me things nobody else knew. i love the way we'd act together. i love the way i felt when you said you loved me for the first time. and i love the way i felt when you said you loved me for the last time. and even though i didn't know it was the last time, i love the way you said "goodnight, i'll talk to you in the morning" but i hate that when the morning came, you were gone. i hate the way you disappeared like i was nothing to you. i hate the way i feel whenever i think about you. i hate that i can't delete your pictures from my phone even though mine probably disappeared from your camera roll a long time ago. i hate the way i cry when thinking of you. i hate that you don't call anymore. i hate that you're gone. i hate that you were it for me and i was just another girl. i hate that we never crossed that line from best friends into more. i hate that i'll always be jealous of whoever the new girl in your life is. i hate the way i feel now when i come across your name. i hate the way that i want to hate you but i can't. i hate the way that i still love you. and i know you won't see this but if for some reason you do. i hope you know that this is about you. i hope you know that i miss you. i hope you know that i still love you. i hope you're happy, because that's all i've ever wanted. and if you ever decide to come back. i hope you know you can. i'll always be here for you. even though i'm nothing to you anymore, you're still everything to me. i still love you. i still care.