Difficult Relationships in Difficult Times

Part 1

Do you feel like you're being challenged on every level by the relationships in your life right now? Do you feel unheard or dismissed by those you care about, but are unable to discern how best to remedy the situation and repair the relationship? You are definitely not alone in these feelings in these times.

One has only to watch the news in the morning to see how much strife there is in our world right now. Fifteen minutes on facebook can drain you as much as a week in the gym because of the fights and discord among your friends and family. In fact, 2020 has been a year full of strife and arguments.

Election years are often difficult because we are polarized by our political views, but it doesn't have to be that way for everyone. I can disagree with your political views and still like you as a person, usually. However, this election season is different. We aren't just disagreeing with political views, but moral and ethical stands on human rights and equality.

The key is not to assume you know the heart of the person with whom you are disagreeing. Rather than staying silent and second guessing the other side, it's important to talk to people and listen to their actual views. It is then that you can come together and work toward common goals without perceived political views getting in the way.

I see so many people blocking and banning people from their lives right now. These actions are often based solely on a single statement or piece of public support for an opposing viewpoint, rather than a clear understanding of what that single statement really means to a person. I'm guilty of having done this myself in a heated moment. However, there is a better way, the one that will make Thanksgiving dinner easier to swallow as we move forward.

Ask that person what they believe and how they feel about the key issues you support or oppose. Start a dialogue where you both have the opportunity to listen and respond. Find common ground and work from there.

For example, I find myself asking the question, "How can so and so support that? I know they're a good person!" When that question comes up for you, rather than clicking the unfollow or unfriend button, ask that person about their support of whatever it was that triggered the question. You'll keep the relationship and perhaps learn something about the issue you didn't previously understand, or you'll find you need to change your perception of that person.

It's really tough for me to write this without honing in on particular political views and candidates, but I'm trying to be impartial. I'm sure there are things people wonder about when I support them and I'd rather talk to them about those issues than never speak to them again. So, to that end, if I ever espouse an idea or support an issue you find morally reprehensible, please talk to me about it! Ask the hard questions and listen to the answer. Do that with all your difficult relationships so you can keep those people in your life.

In the end, the political season will wrap up in a few weeks, but you'll be bereft of all the people you dump from your life for much longer if you react rather than engage.

Which relationships do you currently find the most challenging? How can you see things from a different perspective? How are you being called to allow growth through the conflict?