He Came Along

Have you ever wondered why people call love, stupid? Crazy? Absurd? If you have, then I'll tell you, you've never experienced love. Because if I'd be given the chance to describe that pathetic thing, those would be it.

Gusto kong magsimula sa fairy tale scheme line na 'once upon a time', but then I remembered na tapos na 'ko sa linyang 'yan, yet I never heard my mom said the lines 'and they lived happily-ever-after.' Yes, they call it a scheme for a reason. You know what that is? They'd been never realized. Happily-ever-after? Really? Even a 5-year old won't believe that crap.

I also had those things like first love that died, love at first sight... not, and greatest love.

And I will never deny that pinapapak ko ang ampalaya. You're right, I'm bitter. Dumating na 'ko sa puntong nagmahal at minahal ako, nagmahal at hindi ako minahal, hindi ako nagmahal pero minahal ako, and most specially, 'yung time na akala mo mahal mo na siya... hindi pala. Those were almost the cliches of all the cliches and I'm kind of proud for that.

When I experienced my first love, I thought I can never live without him kahit na unrequited 'yun at paasa siya. Hindi ako assuming paasa lang talaga siya. And if you think na friendly siya, he is not friendly. Actually snob siya and except sa friends niya, ako lang ang pinapansin niya. So in short, isa siyang malaking paasa. Why do most people think na assuming kami? Hindi ba pwedeng paasa muna sila? I was so furious with him when I heard the news na sila na. At first, I broke down and then it popped in my mind of how a douche he is.

Kawalan niya.

It took me a more than a year to get over him. Well, I don't really know if I've already moved on when I started dating a long-time friend during my first month in college. I think he helped me move on in the process of making me fall for him. I thought it was the biggest achievement of my life when I fell in love all over again. And I pondered, pwede pala. Pwede palang makalimot at magmahal ulit.

We were so in love I'm afraid I'd die. Sabi ko sa sarili ko nun, I love him more than my first. Iba 'yung feeling na you've been loved to the moon and back. It was somewhat irrational. And I thought, it was perpetual... and undying.

But then again, I thought wrong. Sabi ko na nga ba walang happily-ever-after. The reason why we broke up was not a third party or whatnots. We just somehow... fallen out of love. Alam mo 'yung noon 'pag nakikita mo siya, there is that thing called butterflies in your stomach? And just one of the other days you were together, you looked at him and you felt nothing. Nothing but... indifference. I was so scared at that exact moment.

We're always so honest with each other so I told him what I felt. Surprisingly, he felt the same thing... just a little earlier than me. He said his love for me was like a rose in a magic show... gone. I laughed at his metaphor. We lasted for 2 years and a day. We broke up the day after our second-year anniversary. Then we became friends over again.

Again and again, I was wrong. Akala ko kasi nun, 'pag nagsimula ang isang relationship sa friendship... there's no going back. But we did go back. And I didn't thought ever again, that we'll go back to that path again. Being in a relationship that is.

Three months after that eventful day, pinilit niya 'kong makipag-blind date. Telling me that I didn't scarred the holliness of the three-month rule. I even thought na hinintay niya talaga ang three months for that day. And napatunayan ko 'yan nang sinabi ng date ko na he waited for two months... so it was a month after our break-up.

I didn't really fall in love with him nung naging kami. Na-realize ko lang 'yun nung nagimula na 'kong magselos sa mga girl friends niya. I mean, his friends who are girls. That was the time na naging martyr ako. I turned a blind eye nung nagimula na siyang magkipag-date sa iba. I know I'm not dumb kaya alam kong meron siyang iba. Tapos nasundan ng isa pa... at isa pa. Hanggang sa hindi na siya nagparamdam sa 'kin.

Narinig ko na lang isang araw na nakabuntis pala siya at pinakasalan 'yung babae.

Mas mahirap mag-move on 'pag walang closure. I bawled for a month, more or less. That doesn't mean I moved on after that. I experienced depression later on. That 'break-up' was not merely the reason why I suffered depression, siguro the fact na every time nilalapitan ako ng lalaki nai-in love ako sa kanila... and end up crying and smarting. It was dreadful.

Still, I moved on... after confronting that a-hole and said he never loved me. Sucks, right?

That cause me to will myself to not fall in love ever again.

Right after the fateful meeting with my current ex, I bumped into someone and he looked at me with... amazement, maybe? A week after that, I saw him outside the building of my department declaring that he's in love with me. I laughed so hard and agreed to "get to know him." Turns out, he was a student of the other department. Eventually, we started dating and ended up being couple. I can never forget the look on his face when I said "yes."

After a week or something, I broke up with him. It just doesn't feel right. I don't feel anything for him... aside from friendship. He cried that night and I told him that it'll go away sometime... someday. He must've seen something in my eyes and made him agree with me, something called experience.

Five years later... I have fallen in and out of love. Disregarding my personal rule to never fall in love again. But it was like a habit, an everyday experience. But of course, that's just an exaggeration.

One day, I walked home from church, just like every Sundays, I saw the man of my dreams. I swear I can hear the bells ringing from that church. Its the cheesiest thing in the whole world, its almost funny. He saw me looking at him, then he smiled... I smiled back. Amidst the crowd and noise, I can still hear his heart beating, rhyming mine.

I was so happy when I walked down that aisle, being the most beautiful blushing bride my groom has ever seen, not that he married any other woman though.

On the second to the last day of our honeymoon, I woke up and saw him lying beside me and I smiled. I promenaded on the beach where we are staying, kicking those silly stones that come along my way. And with those that came my way, I saw someone strolling towards me doing the same thing. He looked up and I felt something strange... but familiar. Yet it was nothing like before.

That moment, I saw confusion in his eyes, mirroring mine. I still continued to walk and so was he. I can't breathe. That is the only thing I know that instant. Every single thing that a novel can describe was in that occasion. Para siyang naka-slow motion at blur lang 'yung paligid niya. The sun was behind him, making his image a silhouette. My stomach is churning as we both stopped. I can also feel my knees weakening and my hands are shaking for anticipation. I did what I know I will never regret for the rest of my life.

I kissed him... he kissed me back. And then it hit me like a wrecking ball. I am friggin' married. I pushed him away and ran to my husband.

I feel like I'm the filthiest woman in the world. But then, why does it felt like he belong to me? And I, to him.

And I will be living my life as a lie while imagining a future with him.

I just met my greatest love... I knew he is. He came at the wrong time but I know a right moment will never come.

End.

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