Escapade

chapter 50

'It was hard to be alive. You are breathing but slowly getting suffocated. You are alive but dead inside. It was hard to play alive when you are literally dead inside.'

I read everything that my Mama wrote on her journal. I don't really understand what she meant. Baka magalit pa siya sa akin kapag nalaman niyang pinapakialaman ko ang journal niya. I am just 4, ang sabi niya sa akin ay huwag kong pakialaman ang mga bagay na hindi sa akin.

"We are forced to love someone we don't really want. Even a bit, I don't really want to be tied with him. He was evil." pagbasa ko sa nakasulat.

I scanned the journal, my Mama handwriting is very clean and pretty. Maybe I got my handwriting from her.

"But I am carrying his child. It's a girl, I want to name her next to my true and great love. I want to name her, Alysandra Justice. Justice for my freedom, Alysandra for Alison." I read it once again.

Naintindihan ko ang nakasulat, so my name was supposed to be Alysandra Justice? I like it better, I want my name to be Alysandra! It's nice.

I looked at the old pages and turn it into the next pages.

"That man doesn't really want to let go of me. I am suffocated from his love, if it was actually love or maybe just lust and greed."

"I am drunk and broken, that's how my Justice was created. I can't tell if that was rape or not, I was drunk! I need justice.."

"My girl was very pretty, she's my replica. I just wish she will be loved and not forced to anyone.."

"She was my justice. Kahit na hindi ko alam ang nangyari, siya ang hustisya ko. Maybe, I was forced and caged, but everytime I looked at her, I felt like I am already winning and she's my price and justice."

"She was the greastest thing, she's my greatest love. Even if I was drugged, drunk and broken, she's my beautiful and greatest justice.."

"Alison, I am sorry, I already love someone more than you, she's my daughter. My purest Justice."

When I heard my Mama's footsteps, I placed it where it was actually placed. I go back to my toys and play with it.

I smiled to my Mama when she entered the room..

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"Heldigar." Mama's voice.

I am in the dark, I can only hear footsteps and voices.

"Why can't you move on?!" rinig ko ang malakas na sigaw ni Daddy.

"How can you move on and forget someone or something that made you so happy and alive?" Mama's crying voice followed.

"He's dead!" sigaw muli ng pamilyar na boses.

"You killed him!" my Mama screamed.

"I am a human, Helen. Hindi ako mamamatay tao!" sigaw ni Daddy. Mama's crying voice echoed in the dark.

"He killed his self! He poisoned his self when he found that we are getting married!" Daddy said in a low voice. Umiyak ng mas malakas si Mama.

"That's not true, Pablo!" she yelled, I heard broken glasses and screams.

"You killed him, you are jealous and selfish! You killed him! You poisoned him! I am sure of it, I saw what you did!" sigaw ni Mama na unti unting nawala.