Letters to Blueberry [KageHina]

|Letters to Blueberry|

01/08/2013
dear blueberry,

i'm sorry. i'm sorry for calling you an horrible setter. i'm sorry for bringing up your past trauma. i'm sorry for being a terrible person. i'm sorry for being a horrible boyfriend. i'm sorry. i hope you can forgive me. although i wouldn't forgive myself. i'm writing this letter because ennoshita-san told me that this can help and it will make it hurt less. i don't know about that. i still feel empty and lonely and hurt. it hurts that you're ignoring me. it hurts that you aren't talking to me. it hurts that you aren't even looking at me. it hurts, kageyama-kun. remember our dates under the stars? i dreamed about that last night but you weren't there. i woke up crying because i felt so lonely. i also realized that you were my only friend here at school. i can make more, i'm sure, but the other students already have their own friends. they probably wont be my friend like you were to me. i've never felt lonely before. at home, i had natsu to play with me. i could always make friends. you're the first one to make me feel lonely. and i guess that's karma. because i know i hurt you a lot. i don't blame you for leaving, really. i would've left you if you said a bunch of things that hurt me. i just hope that one day, well make up and become friends again. that's what i miss most. not being able to be friends with you. not being able to talk to you. ennoshita-san was right. i feel like i'm talking to you. it hurts less, even if its not gone.  i still love you. i don't know if i ever wont love you.

love your tangerine
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03/20/2014
Dear Blueberry,

How are you doing? I hope you're okay. I've been better. We're about to graduate in about a month. It's crazy, knowing that we won't be at Karasuno in a month. I can't believe that after this, we're probably never going to talk anymore. Finals are coming up and I have a sinking feeling that I'm not going to pass. I missed studying with you and turning everything into a competition. By the way, you're doing great leading the team with Yamaguchi. I want to actually tell you, but how would I say it in a way that wouldn't make it awkward? Yamaguchi actually came to me at lunch, telling me that if i ever wanted to talk to you again, this would be my last chance. Is it weird for me to be jealous of him? He and Tsukki-kun won't ever be like us. They're together and happy. Every time I see them doing something sweet, I think that it could've been us. It's all my fault though. Maybe if I wasn't so stupid, we would've been able to be like them. I swear I'm past us, but everything reminds me of you. The vice principal reminds me of the day we fought and his wig landed on Daichi. Remember that? The front gates remind me of all the times we've raced each other. The club room reminds me of the time T confessed to you and you said you liked me too. And every time I see something that reminds me of you, my heart go 'badum badum' really fast. Perhaps leaving Karasuno is for the best, since there will be less of you in my life. I'm over you. I really am. Except that it's not easy for me to get over someone that meant so much to me. It's been a rough couple of years, but this is the last one. The last unsent letter I'll write to you. There's a whole box of them under my bed. I hope you live a good life without me.

Yours Truly,
Tangerine
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03/19/2015
Dear Blueberry,

Hey. How's it going? This is awkward, writing a letter I promised I wouldn't write. I don't even know what to say. I just had the urge to write one, so here I am.  It's weird, since I haven't written a letter in about a year, maybe even to the exact day.

Just so you know, university is great. I only managed to get in because I got a scholarship. Not for my academics, of course. It was for my awesome volleyball skills. The dorms are fine, and so is my roommate. Actually, he has a boyfriend who reminds me of you.

By the way, I still have my old box of letter. I also found a journal I wrote in when we were still together. I read through it and I wanted to relive those moments with you so badly. Is that wrong? I know I wrote the journal for that reason. So that when we get older, we can share the memories and smile at them. How would younger me react if he knew what we were like now? We don't talk to each other, let alone sharing past memories. Now, those memories make me sad; they're like dreams I can't pursue.