ECHOES OF THE WIND : Jacob & Renesmee

24.NEVER SAW THIS COMIMG (Part1)

Everyone here misses you, Jake.

I know that nothing I wish for can come true. But no matter what I'll wait for you....I'll wait for you to come back to me and for us to start our lives from where we left off. Also if it means to wait for eternity~~

~Renesmee

I flipped further....

Jacob,

Sometimes I wonder if I and you were the same person -a little broken, quiet messed up and in love with the idea of love.

The hope never dies, Jacob. It sleeps silently aching in the heart and wakes up on lonely nights. You filled a space in my heart -a space which even I didn't knew existed. You were like a serene sunset and I was mesmerized by it beyond words, before you left me in the darkness. It's been 21 days, up almost 3 weeks since you left and I haven't heard from you.

Today Chris came by....and I seriously have no idea how? We talked about something 😑 I barely even heard and soon realizing my inattentive behaviour....he flipped the topic. He told me about how to wrestle well between my faith and feelings when life disappoints us in ways we never imagine. He told me that disappointment is a feeling that things should be better than they are and since you have left; I have learnt a lot about life.

No matter how much we think we control our lives and of others around us; the fact is that we are not at all in control of anything. Without you nothing is same.

Chris held me together for few hours....but not long. As soon as I shut my eyes; an unknown force drags me mercilessly into the same nightmares.

I don't want to be like this, Jake.

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night bathed in sweat, curled up on the bed, horrified by the nightmares, alone and shivering. Although many of the times Rose, Alice, Esme, Mom offers to accompany me at night, but I can't....I can't let them suffer with me. I know, seeing me like this breaks each one of them beyond measures yet I can't help it.

Reminiscing hurts Jake. But I need to hold onto those little echoes of your voice and laugh or otherwise I'll go mad with your absence.

You comfort me, Jacob. I wish you return soon....

~ Renesmee

Why did you go, Jake? I wasn't ready to let go off you. The unease of his absence, settle over my nerves and shivered. How long will I continue to live this life? How long shall I continue to deny that you will never come back? This is not easy.....atleast not for me. I flipped the pages over.

Jacob,

It's been a month...you haven't returned. You know I never imagined my life without you and I can't go back to that reality just yet.

Life is moving forward for everybody around me but I'm exactly where you left me, for I don't want to move on without you. Days are passing at their usual pace, but I've no recollection of instances, nor there are any calls or text. Not even a news of your return, Jake, that could provide me to hold on, for it feels like I'm stuck in a time machine.