It Started with a Glance

Part 8

I’d looked everywhere. Work was the first place I targeted. He wasn’t there. I tried a few of his favourite spots..same result. At this rate he could’ve been anywhere. I was running out of options but I could’t give up. Forcing myself to think I remembered a secluded place Nathaniel told me about on our first date. Being more determined than ever I prayed that that would be where he was. Arriving at my destination, I got out and planned where to start my search.

Just then a small hill caught my eye. It had a nice little sun shelter, and for some reason, I knew to start looking there first. Making my way up the hill was a mission, and by the time I reached the sun shelter I was puffing for my life. I dragged my already exhausted legs up to the sun shelter hoping to God that he was here.. Holding my breath I peeked inside...and came up blank… He wasn’t here.

Holding back tears I pushed my disappointment back. I’d run out of ideas. I was debating whether to ball my eyes out or pick up what was left of my broken heart and begin to piece them back together again, but I opted for the latter. Collapsing on the wooden floor I cried my eyes out. This wasn’t how I pictured my day would end. I had this whole scenario in my head, and none of them included coming up short. I let myself cry four weeks worth of heartbreak. 

Where was I going to find him now? .. After what seemed like hours, I realised that looking out over the hill wasn't going to bring Nathaniel back. I couldn’t turn back time to that awful night, and I sure as hell couldn’t take back what I said. If only he knew that I didn’t hate him, but that I loved him with everything that I had. He was my other half. I wasn’t going to be complete without him. It was getting dark, and I was getting cold. Cutting my losses I stood up and got ready to make the long journey back home when I turned to see Nathaniel standing there, staring at me in shock.

My heart leapt. I wanted to leap in to his arms and slap kisses all over his face, but the way he stared, stopped me from doing just that. He looked just as bad as I did. Minus the puffy eyes and the snotty nose. I rewinded back to the past four weeks of not hearing from him, no returned calls or messages, and my temper shot out from nowhere. Storming my way towards him I slapped him across the face.

"HOW DARE YOU LEAVE US ALONE IN THAT HOUSE WITHOUT A WORD OF WHERE YOU WERE GOING. DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED SICK I’VE BEEN?"

Fresh tears were streaming down my face and all Nathaniel did was stand there silent.. Stunned but silent. I carried on..

"YOU SELFISH, STUBBORN, IGNORANT, IDIOT!! YOU WALKED OUT ON US AND NOT A SINGLE CALL TO TELL US YOU WERE SAFE! YOU TOOK WHAT I SAID AND LEFT WITHOUT FIGHTING FOR OUR RELATIONSHIP. WHERE’S THE JUSTICE IN THAT?.."

Still he said nothing… He just stood there and took it all in. I waited for him to yell or scream or at least say SOMETHING, but all I got was silence. Feeling my heart break again I gave up.. I felt like a fool. After spending four weeks in hell, and then a whole day searching the world for him he didn’t have the guts to say anything.

"FINE! BE LIKE THAT! WE DON’T NEED YOU ANYWAY."

And with that I sprinted down the hill, got into my car and drove home in pieces.

Arriving home I realised the kids still weren’t back. I quickly sent up a prayer of thanks and made my way slowly towards the shower where I could drown in my sorrows. I hadn’t quite stepped in when I heard the front door banging. What the heck? Did this person want the whole street to hear? I made my way straight for the door. Turning the locks and removing the chain, I opened it, and there standing on the front step, looking like the incredible hulk was Nathaniel and he looked even more pissed off than I thought.

He looked like a raging bull with his nostrils flaring. I took a step back in fear before cloaking myself with anger as a defense mechanism. I put on a serene look and faced his wrath head on.

"What.."

"No you no longer get to speak. You had your turn on the hill and now it's my turn."

I opened my mouth to say something but he covered my mouth with his hand. 

"Still my turn. I gave you what you wanted by leaving. You said you hated me so I chose to go. But to think I left you alone with the kids you are sadly mistaken. I always watched over you and the kids even from a far. You think I didn't want to come home or I haven't stared at my phone debating whether to call just to hear your voice? To hear Niva and Noah's voice? I needed to stay away because the truth is I'm scared of losing you. That one day you'll wake up and realize you could do so much better than me. YOU needed this time of separation to figure out if you love me or realised you can do it all on your own. But for you to say I don't care and you don't need me is hitting a brother while he's already down! But despite all my misgivings, I don't care if you are out of my league or deserve better because I'll be damned if you think I'm going to let you and the kids go without a fight."

And with that he removed his hand from my mouth, turned and stormed off down the street leaving me standing like an idiot, tears streaming freely down my cheeks. I was confused. His words were saying he wasn't leaving yet his actions show him doing just that. I recalled a conversation we had once on the phone when our romance was new and exciting. We were talking about if we'd ever break up for any reason and we were ever to call it quits. Nathaniel's vow that night ran through my head.

"Shaye if you ever leave me I won't be worried. Because I will always drag you back to me where you belong. Because a King and his Castle is meaningless without his Queen beside him."

Crying out at the memory, I ran out after Nathaniel. He was halfway down the road. I knew I wouldn't be able to catch up to him. Taking a deep breath I closed my eyes and yelled at the top of my lungs. 

"NATHANIEL!"

He heard me. The shock on his face was clearly visible. It was either now or never. 

"YOU CAN LEAVE BUT I WONT BE WORRIED. BECAUSE I WILL ALWAYS DRAG YOU BACK TO ME WHERE YOU BELONG. BECAUSE A QUEEN AND HER CASTLE IS MEANINGLESS WITHOUT HER KING BESIDE HER. I LOVE YOU NOW, ALWAYS AND FOREVER. "

My throat was sore from yelling. I even managed to pull in a crowd with the neighbors walking out to see what the commotion was about but I kept my eyes focused on Nathaniel. And then without thought I started running... Running towards my future....I ran not just for the sake of my heart but Noah and Nivas...