It's Never Really Over

Chapter 1: Over

"Bitti! It's over."

There, I did it. I looked her in the eyes and told her something I vowed I would never do. I just told the woman I love more than my own damn life that I did not want anything to do with her anymore.

Told her that it was all a mistake, a whim. It was good while it lasted, but I do not have a place for her in my life, in my world.

I knew it would not be easy, that it will hurt so much, that it would be hard to breathe, but I also knew how necessary it was. She needed to escape my hellhole of a life. My family, a family that might have hands red in a cruel murder plan. But most importantly she needed to save herself from the secret. The dirty scandal that was sure to shake her belief on everything that was good. And I needed to protect her from it at any cost, be it our love.

I was shaken out of my reverie with a hard push to my chest, so hard it almost made me lose my balance, almost. Eda really was a little thing but she could sure pack a mean punch.

She was screaming, shaking, and it took me a second to take it all in. Her rage, the despair, and her tears. Damn those tears.

"Ne? How dare you Serkan Bolat?" Eda was still screaming and she was still shaking and it was not good. What if she fainted again!

"Eda, listen to me Eda, we don't work!"

"Liar, I knew something was wrong, I asked you, so many times, while we were in the theater, when we were having dinner. I know something is up Serkan, tell me, you know you can tell me anything. Why don't you tell me!"

She had her hands cupping my cheeks, her eyes distraught, searching, looking for something that will help make sense. That will tell her I am lying. For a second, I wanted to, I wanted to tell her everything, I never wanted to hide anything from her. But baby I can't tell you, the alternative is just way worse, way too worse.

Stealing my eyes from her teary ones, I cleared my throat. "Don't be a child Eda, I am not lying, I really am telling you the truth. There is no future for us, You and I, we are poles apart. We will never work."

"Bullshit! I do not believe a word you are saying. You just cannot get past your insecurities to tell me the truth. I'm getting too close right, that's what scares you?"

It was harder than I thought, she is never going to believe me like that, I have to think of something.

"You love me, Serkan, I know you do." She hugged me, wrapped her arms around me in a death grip. Like she was all too afraid if she lets go she will never be able to reach out to me again. But she did not know.

"Your eyes, they do not lie Serkan. I know you are hiding something, You can tell me anything love, just tell me."

"I don't, I don't love you. It was an infatuation Eda, no one develops love just like that, you're just too naïve."

Eda flinched visibly, her features changing, as if recovering from a blow. And it killed me inside a little more, will my heart ever be able to make it through this, will hers?

"You're lying again, your eyes tell me something else Serkan" Eda had her hands cup my cheek again, forcing my eyes to meet hers. Her eyes did something to me, hypnotized somehow, I was drawn like a moth to flame. Her lips, they were moving and then they were not, they were on mine.

Her kisses were witchcraft, my hands went around her torso in a fraction of a second, her lips were soft, inviting, she was pouring everything she had into the kiss, and I could not help but respond.

Soon I had control over the kiss that she started. It went from soft to scorching in seconds, and she responded with equal parts rage and longing. I threw caution to the wind, one kiss, just one kiss.

But seconds later she broke it.

"I knew, I knew you still loved me, tell me Serkan, what's wrong, is it work? I can help!"

This was getting out of hands real quick; I have to think of something, something fast.

"You are too out of control Eda, and I cannot afford that, you know I have Art Life and the Holding to think about. With Selin selling her shares to Efe in her distraught state, I need to be in full control, Selin is a mess right now, and I have to..."

"Selin?" Eda interrupted me midway, something vital changed about her. Her eyes lost that spark, she visibly paled.

"It's her isn't it? It's always her. She will always be your first and foremost priority. You're choosing her."

Her eyes filled with tears again, few drops spilled over. Her shaking hands wiped at them with too much force, as if ashamed of them to show. I never understood Eda's insecurities over Selin, Selin can't hold a candle against her, and she had no competition there. Well, she had no competition anywhere for that matter, I belonged to her completely. But for once in my life I was thankful that Eda was insecure of Selin of all people, I latched on to it.

"Yes, She is in a mess because of me, I have to take care of her, it's my responsibility now. She needs me and..."

"I don't?" a lone tear left her right eye, it somehow felt like something pierced me through my heart. Eda looked lost, defeated. Why was she defeated? She was supposed to be angry, she was supposed to hate me.

"I could never level up to the Bolats? A university drop-out florist, with no name, and no societal status. I am too plain, and I could never be worthy of being Serkan Bolat's lover right?"

No, it wasn't going to be like that, You're supposed to hate me Eda, think I'm not worthy of you, not the other way around. Eda stumbled a little, automatically my hands went to steady her, she flinched away. Right, I deserved that.

"I get it, it's okay Serkan, I get it. I do not belong in your world. Sometimes love is not enough. But things will change, they always do." Eda said looking down, her face hidden from me, I could not see her face but I knew she was hurting. She looked up for a second, and when my eyes met hers, my heart stopped beating altogether for a second or two.

Her eyes were bloodred, but more than that, there was something missing there. It wasn't like her eyes at all, it looked vacant.

"Good bye Serkan Bolat." Eda whispered into the silence, and ran away from the room. I wanted to follow her, why did her eyes look like that! I started to follow her out but stopped in my tracks, my eyes landing on the silhouette lurking in the corner, snooping into our conversation.

Just as I planned.

"Don't wanna let you down
But I am hellbound
Though this is all for you
Don't wanna hide the truth No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come"

_________________

Author's note:

Hello lovely readers, if you made it till here I hope you liked Serkan and Eda, and their story intrigued you, this will be a multi part full blown novella all thanks to you guys.

The songs I leave here are to help you understand the characters and their feelings better. Songs inspire me.

Demons by imagine dragons is close to me, and as I listened to it I thought Serkan could relate to this. Its saying everything he wants to but can't right now.

Enjoy. Much love. Xoxo

Translation glossary for the turk words used:

Bitter: Over.
Ne: What?