Broken

Chapter 12

I am so sorry for the sucky previous chapter. I hope this one is better.
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I slowly made my way upstairs to my bedroom when I heard voices talking from Blade's room. I slowly tiptoed and made my way to his door and lay flat on the wall and eavesdropped.

Yes I have claimed it to be my bedroom, deal with it.

Normally I wouldn't eavesdrop but its worth getting in trouble. The last time I eavesdropped on John I got my head bashed into the wall and pushed down the stairs but it was so worth it.

"Spero che non sia nostra sorella."a voice which sounded like Blade's said. (I hope she isn't our sister)

"Papà ha chiamato il dottor Alvarez per eseguire il test del DNA." another voice who I'm assuming is Axel said. (Dad called Dr Alvarez to carry out the DNA test)

"È meglio se è negativo." Blade replied. (It's better if its negative.)

I decide to head back to my room seeing as I didn't understand anything that they were saying and if I stayed any longer they would've realised I was eavesdropping.

I made my way to my bedroom door and entered before closing the door without making a sound.

I walked around my room before making my way to the window and opening it and started star gazing.

I'm not a nature type of person but looking at the stars right now relaxed me. There weren't many stars in the sky right now but that didn't matter.

I used to like looking at the stars after I got a beating. I would make my way to the attic and look at the sky. I would see the stars  and imagine that they were watching out for me and making sure that I don't die when John took the beatings too far.

When I looked at the sky, I didn't feel alone as I usually did but reality came crushing down on me like always.

The voices in my head would mock me telling me that I'm alone, that no one would ever love me and that I didn't deserve love. That I was just being silly looking at the stars for comfort so I stopped.

I believed the voices. I believed that I didn't deserve to be saved. That I didn't deserve love or comfort. I believed and still believe that I am a monster.

I've tried so many times to get rid of those thought but they just keep coming right back and pushing me deeper and deeper into the darkness.

A small part of me wants to be saved. To be protected. To be loved but I know that I don't deserve it. Even if all that happened, I know that I'll be haunted by the memories. That's why after I've accomplished my mission I'll go.

I'll leave everything behind. I was too scared to go through my plans when I was younger but now I'm older and stronger. I'll make each and every one of the people who have harmed me pay.

I walked back to my bed and tried falling asleep. I tried counting sheep and laying still but none of those worked. I decide to use some sleeping pills that I managed to get.

I only used sleeping pills when John had to go on business trips that lasted for a week or two. So that meant a week or two drinking water and stealing fruit or using some of my money for food even though we had groceries in the fridge.

I would've gladly used the groceries to make myself food but John forbid me from going near the fridge. He even locked it.

I guess it wasn't healthy talking sleeping pills on a practically empty stomach but I didn't have a choice. Sometimes I prayed that I died in my sleep but that never happened.

I popped two sleeping pills in my mouth before closing my eyes waiting for the pills to kick in.
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I woke up 6 hours later from my dreamless slumber. That was probably the longest I've ever slept but I felt bad.

When I take sleeping pills, I rarely have nightmares but I feel like I get addicted to taking them. I used to abuse them when I was younger to escape from the nightmares but I got sick so I stopped taking them.

When I woke up, I felt disoriented and extremely groggy and I had a headache. I felt weaker than I usually do after getting beatings.

I closed my eyes and took deep breaths to calm down my racing heart and get rid of my headache.

After a few minutes I got my outfit and underwear before heading to the bathroom and showering.

When I was done showering I took care of the lashes on my body before putting my clothes on and brushing my teeth before heading to my room to get my phone and place it in my back pocket and get my blades.

I made my out of my room before I bumped into someone. I realised that I bumped into Xander. He had grey eyes with black hair and was 5'5 or 5'6. He was dressed in black hoodie and sweat pants.

"Morning. We haven't met before well unless you count now and yesterday and when we were babies but other than that never. Anyway I'm Xander well actually my name is Alexander but I prefer Xander. You can call me anything you like. You probably don't know me but I'm your twin if you couldn't tell anyway I'm hungry. Let's go." Xander said well more like rambled ending with a smile on his face.

"Hello to you to." I replied slightly unsure of him.

He kind of reminds me of one of my acquaintances that can never shut up but I don't mind that much.

The real question I'm thinking of is how can people talk that much without taking a break.

I decided to follow Xander to the kitchen while he started talking about all the different types of chocolates and his favourites.

I didn't understand anything he was saying about the chocolates but I kept on nodding my head and humming when necessary. I honestly thought there was only one type of chocolate in the world but I guess I was wrong.

When we entered the kitchen, he was talking about M&M's and how they are so amazing and how Valentine's day candy is absolute crap.

Xander got us bowls from one of the cabinets and got milk before pouring in the cereal.

"Why do you put the milk first?" I asked.

I don't eat cereal but in the commercials on TV the kids usually put the cereal first then milk.

"It tastes better like that." Xander replied shrugging his shoulders.

He got the spoons and put them in the bowl before handing over one of the bowls to me.

I started eating the cereal and after awhile I was done. Normally I would hesitate eating food from strangers but I saw Xander making the cereal and I doubt he would've poisoned me.

I made a decision. I do not like eating cereal that much.

"Where is everyone else?" I asked.

"Noah, Liam and mom went to work, Axel went to college, Blade and the twins went out and I'm here to take care of you. Oh and dad is in his office." Xander replied.

"Okay, wait why aren't you hanging out with one of your brothers?" I asked slightly confused.

"I've hang out with them for most of my life and they are a pain in the ass besides I'd rather get to know my twin." He said.

My lips twitched up in in a smile before I suppressed it. For the first time in a long time I felt slightly happy but I know I shouldn't. I pushed those thoughts aside and decided to enjoy the company of a person.

I usually hate everyone but I have some exceptions and I think Xander is one of them.

Xander and I kept talking for a while before father came into the kitchen to inform me that it was time to take the test.

Hope you guys have a good day or night wherever you are and thanks a lot for reading, voting and commenting.