I AM FREE(URBAN ROMANCE NOVEL)

Chapter One

Blood drips down my arm. The pain is intense. I'm gasping, trying to collect myself. The cold air whips around my hair. I feel like I'm losing the battle.  I'll never be enough. That's what everyone tells me. That's what the stupid ass kids at school say. That's what my family say. That's all I ever be. I'm just a nobody. I'll never be a somebody like my sisters. They have everything good going for them. Everyone thinks I have a lot going good for me, that might be true, it might not be true. 

Breathe, I think to myself. You can go through with this. 

An image of my little brother flashes through my mind. His big dark brown eyes, and his cute little dimples, his long curly hair plastered on his forehead.  "Don't do it India" I can hear him say. His 8-year old boyish grin now turning into a frown, tears are clogging his eyes.

This brings me back to reality. I realize what I've done, and I stare at the ugly gash I've just created on my arm. It's a thin line, deep, but not too deep. I didn't do enough damage this time around. I don't know if I wanted to do enough damage or not.  I hurl the knife at the mirror, almost cracking it and I look around wildly, like a crazy person. I'm back to reality.

I'm standing in front of the bathroom shaking. I take a dip breath and grab the nearest tissue roll next to me. I sloppily cover up what I just done so my little brother doesn't see it. I wince at the pain, trying to ignore the stinging sensation alongside my arm, and ignore the churning in my stomach. I feel like I'm going to throw up. I can't believe I decided to cut myself. But I'm just a nobody so who gives a fuck? I'm grabbing the alcohol under the sink and pour some over my arm. I hold in my screams, and finish cleaning it off with a washcloth. I stare at my bronze carmel colored arm, the cut is turning a slight pink color. It's long and noticeable. I'm going to have to make sure I cover this up well, I think to myself.

***** 

It's four p.m here in Chicago. It's late August nearly september. I wouldn't say I live in the roughest neighborhood, but I don't stay in the best either. My little brother is playing some game on his ipad I managed to steal from Best Buy. 

"What game are you playing" I ask him. I try to be more involved in his life. Since I am almost eighteen, I'll be leaving for college soon in a few short months. I already have a few that I'm interested in going too, and I know he's going to want to come with me, but he can't.

My little brother ignores me, but after I wave my hand in his face a few times he looks up suddenly realising I'm here.

"Minecraft" he says simply, zoning his attention back to his game.

That's Caleb for you. A boy of few words. He's always been quiet and to himself, sorta like me. My stomach begins to growl so I figured my little bro is hungry too.

"Whatcha wanna eat?" I ask him plucking the ipad outta his hands.

"Gimmie my shit back" He whines, reaching for the iPad.

"Boy you not about to be on this ipad all day long. You gotta eat somethin'."

He rolls his eyes and hops onto his feet. "I'm going to my room. I don't know cook whatever." He snaps and heads over to his small bedroom near the bathroom.

"Kids these days" I mutter to myself heading to the kitchen.  I end up fixing us both some spahgetti with garlic bread, he has a glass of Cranberry-Grape juice, and me some vodka on the side. I always tell him I'm drinking water so he doesn't suspect why his big sis is drinking Vodka with every meal. But in reality, I'm drinking to hide my pain. Did I mention I was a fuck-up already?