Sugar, Butter, Flour, and Love

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Manny had deeply tanned skin, his hair was dark brown and wavy, always curling around his ears. He had a dimple in his chin that was nearly impossible to see because of the constant 5-o clock shadow on his face. And although he was about five foot ten he had a thick, stocky frame. Manny always seemed so big to me. Maybe because he was four years older than me and he acted brotherly.

But, right then on my bed, he seemed small, and I didn't know to make him not seem that way anymore.

"Can I ask you something?" He slurred slightly.

"Anything, Manny," I said quietly, staring up at the ceiling but not sure what he saw.

"Can I sleep over?"

"You're already in my bed."

"Oh, right. Is this weird?"

"No."

"I'm glad you're my best friend. One day you're gonna find a guy who takes care of you and he's gonna be so lucky. But, don't leave me, okay? At least need me a little bit."

I covered my face. "Today's not about me, Manny and you're my best friend. I would never leave you." It felt weird to remind Manny that I had a boyfriend in that moment. But I felt like I had to. "And Carter does take care of me," I said quietly.

He sighed. "Not the way you need."

"I don't understand."

Manny murmured something too soft for me to hear and pulled up the covers. It didn't take much longer until he fell asleep. He grabbed my hand right before his eyes closed and it took a while for his grip to loosen.

Manny didn't care about gender roles, or the fact I was gay and he wasn't. He was hopelessly affectionate with everybody and longed for physical contact. He tried his best with me by not pushing but I knew sometimes I had to compromise. As much as I wanted to be there for him it mentally exhausted me to touch him so much. Physical comfort didn't come naturally to me and I had to walk myself through doing all the things I knew Manny responded to.

Once he was sound asleep, I slipped out of bed and went back to the living room to check my phone. I'd forgotten to tell Carter I wasn't going to head to his place that night anymore. I couldn't just leave Manny.

And then I saw the messages.

D, where are you?

you said you'd be here by now.

next time, try to update me.

Are you with him??

wanted to surprise you but nvm

i wish you would answer your phone

next time I have you to myself, I'm never letting you go. Haha, jks.

My roommate is seeing his gf tonight so we have the place to ourselves. Will that convince u?

And then there was a picture that made my throat dry and my stomach tight. Carter was my first boyfriend and I didn't know much about relationships but sometimes I felt...overwhelmed. Sexual stuff wasn't the reason I got a boyfriend and that would never tempt me away from a friend in need.

But I dialled Carter's number anyways and he picked up on the first ring. "Finally!" He said, "where have you been all this time?"

"Just with Manny," I said quietly, "he's..." I wracked my brain for any excuse, "not feeling so well."

Carter sighed. "Right, okay. Can he keep it together for the rest of the night? I really wanted us to make use of my empty apartment." He had that voice on. Deep and warm and hungry. Carter wasn't usually so single minded but when he was stressed he could be a bit selfish. But Carter's stress was coming from his PhD application...not anything I could help with.