Insomnia

Chapter 30: Paths Crossed

I stayed up late writing the letters. There were four in all: Mom, Finn, Addie, and Mia. The first three told them how important they were to me and my reasons for leaving, and the one for Mia was an apology that didn't even begin to make up for what I'd done to her. 

I was emotionally drained but not tired when I finished. Mom had gone to bed hours earlier, and I couldn't help but smile at the thought that her dreams should be happy tonight. She deserved that—one night of happiness before I destroyed her by running away. I hoped once she read the letter it would help, but I wasn't going to lie to myself. She would never be the same again, and it would be my fault. 

The kitchen was quiet as I grabbed a drink from the fridge. I pretended not to hear his voice the first time he spoke, but Darkness was nothing if not persistent. 

He laughed. "You forget. I'm in your head. I know you can hear me." 

I drew in a deep breath and turned to face him. "Hearing and listening aren't the same thing." 

He was leaning against the wall on the other side of the kitchen. I hated how confident and relaxed he looked. 

Darkness—dreams of complete control. 

His grin turned to a scowl at my words. "Where do you think you're going?" 

"Somewhere else." I rolled my head back and forth on my neck. Just like Darkness, the knots never seemed to go completely away. 

"Really?" His eyes glinted. "You should know there is nowhere you can run that is far enough to escape me." 

"I'm not running from you." I glanced at the letters I still gripped in one hand. "I'm running from them." 

"Who do you think you're kidding? You think leaving this town will help? You use freaking dental floss to keep track of me, but you still don't have a clue what I've been doing." His fists were curled up by his sides and he seemed ready to pounce. "You're so stubborn, so sure you're right about everything. Maybe if you'd just relax and hand over control for more than five minutes, I could keep us alive." 

I locked eyes with him, struggling to keep my voice steady. "That will never happen." 

"Eventually I won't need your permission." Darkness stepped around the corner toward me, his entire frame shaking with anger. "And next time, you can count on the fact that I'll go farther than some stupid girl's backyard." 

I blinked and he was gone. I pushed my palms against my eyes, letting out a huge breath. At least I now knew he hadn't gotten very far when he took over. Of course, with the damage he'd done just by writing a few e-mails, I didn't feel very reassured. 

The counter before me had row upon row of messages with my name on them. Most were from Addie and Finn. I couldn't say goodbye to them. Maybe I was a coward, but they were the only ones who knew enough to talk me out of going.  

And I cared too much about them to let that happen. My muscles were all kinked from my writing session. I flicked my right wrist back and forth. Glancing back at the messages, a green one from Jeff caught my attention. I picked it up. It was from a few days ago. He'd scheduled a captains meeting for the soccer teams on Tuesday morning—tomorrow. If I didn't come, the team was planning to make Matt the co-captain instead. Final Warning was written along the top in Mom's curly handwriting. 

Interesting that she'd never mentioned the message. She probably didn't want to stress me out. That didn't matter now, but it said teams . . . that meant Mia would be there too. 

Something inside me had balked at the idea of leaving without apologizing to Mia face-to-face. I wanted to tell her she wouldn't have to be afraid anymore, that once I was gone, she'd be safe. I hesitated. What was wrong? Was it me that wanted to see her one last time, or Darkness? I stared at the green paper for a few minutes, but I didn't feel that sinister pull I had so many times before. I nodded. This time, it would be okay.