Insomnia

Chapter 12: Safe Harbor

I focused on meeting the eyes of every shopper I passed on the way out. After what I'd done, I didn't deserve the rest that Mia's dreams provided. I was a freak, a monster. When I glanced at my reflection in the store window, I met the cold eyes I'd seen before in the mirror at school. Only this time it didn't surprise me as much. 

And when I blinked, he didn't go away. 

Once outside, I couldn't hold it in any longer. I threw up in the bushes in a dark corner of the building until I shook. I'd become something horrible. And worse, I didn't know if I could stop myself. Already the darkness in my traitorous mind was searching for another way to see her. I'd given over control to that darker side, far too much control. 

I had to take it back. 

I drove to Finn's house out of reflex. This was the end. I needed help and he was my only hope at this point. I needed a friend. I just hoped he could still be that friend after everything I'd done. 

Addie answered the door. Her face fell the moment she saw me, and it felt like a hole being ripped through my gut. I was stupid to have come. 

"What do you want?" She folded her arms over her chest, looking about as welcoming as a Closed sign. Clearing my throat, I tried a smile, but it actually seemed to make her angrier. 

"Finn—I need Finn," I said, glancing over her shoulder. "Please?" I sounded pitiful but I didn't care. 

Finn walked into the room behind her. His sweatshirt  was a vibrant blue. It had been a long time since I'd seen him in a shirt that didn't make a literal statement. When  he saw me, he pivoted on one foot and turned to leave. 

"Please." I pushed past Addie and into the living room. "I really need you to listen. I was wrong." Everything I said was true, but only because it was my last hope. I'd lie through my teeth if I thought it would make him talk to me again. Even worse, I'd tell him the truth. 

He stopped with his back to me, and I waited. After a full minute, he turned to face me, his expression cold. With a long sigh, he walked past me to the door, rubbed Addie on top of the head, and finally spoke. 

"I'll be back. Have to at least hear the idiot out." 

Addie nodded but still glared at me as I walked out behind him. At the last second, she grabbed my arm and squeezed, hard. "If you hurt him again, I swear, I'll deck you myself," she hissed, too low for Finn to hear. She was barely up to my shoulder but her eyes were dead serious. 

"Don't worry, Addie. I've been stupid—to both of you. I won't do it again." 

"I know the way you've been." She took a deep breath and released my arm. "This isn't you, Parker. You're not like this—this person." 

I hoped she was right. "I'm trying to fix things." 

She nodded and whispered "Good," then placed her hand on my chest and pushed me gently out the door. 

Finn sat in the driver's seat of my car. The knots that were tying up every muscle in my body loosened a little. Maybe I hadn't broken things beyond repair. Finn would listen. If he would only believe me, I wouldn't have to figure this out alone. 

And I was so tired of dealing with everything alone. 

Climbing in, I tossed him the keys. "Where we going?" I asked. 

"If I have to look at your ugly face, you're going to at least buy me a shake while I do it." His voice was tight as he turned the key and the car came to life.