Eclipse

Forty

I sighed, walking over to it before glancing up at the oddly shaped tree. I tilted my head a little as I took in it's curvy but strong shape, reaching high in the sky. Higher than the surrounding trees by several meters. 

I smiled a little to myself and climbed up the tree, scaling it in seconds. I found the highest branch that could support my weight and settled down, looking over the tops of all of the other trees throughout the large forest, the occasional tree popping a little higher but none quite as tall as the one I was sitting atop. 

I heard shuffling and closed my eyes as the familiar presence scaled the tree, settling in behind me with either leg on either side of my body. I leaned back into his chest, inhaling his familiar scent as he circled his arms around my waist, resting his chin on the crown of my head. 

It was very convenient having such a strong boyfriend. I could lean all my weight back against him like a couch and he wouldn't even feel it, easily holding us both up. 

"Are you okay?" He mumbled into my hair and I sighed loudly. 

"I'm good, how about you." I said, shrugging my shoulders slightly, trying to hide the tears that so desperately wanted to escape my eyes. 

"Don't lie to me, my little Dazzle." 

I opened my eyes and looked up at him, frowning slightly. 

"I'm not lying" I lied, shrugging my shoulders once again once he looked with an expression that said, 'bullshit.' 

"Little Dazzle." He warned. 

"Fierce." I said back in a mock warning voice before sighing. "How did you know?" I asked tiredly and he tightened his arms so slightly I almost didn't notice. 

"You shrug when you lie." He chuckled lightly behind me, his chest vibrating against my back and I groaned. 

He was so right, I did do that. I didn't know how nobody else had figured that out by now, but he was the first. The first to really see me. 

Not just the sweet, strong, careless exterior, but the broken, insecure, dying inside. I didn't really feel the need to pretend to be happy and fearless when I was with him, I just felt like he wouldn't judge me. Like I could feel what I was feeling and be who I wanted to be. Like he wasn't looking for me to be the perfect person everyone always assumed I was. 

"So what's wrong?" He asked again and I sighed excessively loud, cuddling deeper into his chest. 

"Do you really want to know? I'm being completely serious when I tell you I'm fine just figuring it out on my own. I've done it my whole life and I can handle it. I don't want to make you uncomfortable or-" 

"Eclipse, please. I really truly do want to know. I know you're strong enough to handle everything yourself, but just because you can doesn't mean you should. Letting things build up will only cause you harm in the long run. Please, share with me, for both of us." 

He did. He really wanted to know, to help me, and that was the problem. 

"I'm just scared." I said, tears forming in my eyes again, "I'm about to sound crazy, and I know it, but it's how I feel" I choked out, "You just seem so perfect and I- I just I can't trust and I hate that because you deserve someone that can trust you but after everything that's happened I- I just. I -almost everyone in my life on earth turned on me. Not everyone everyone, Jen, Jamie and Henry didn't. Donny didn't either, and a few other people, but sometimes I just wonder if they never turned on me because they actually truly liked and cared about me, or they just hadn't had the chance to turn on me yet. I was murdered by my mate, the people I once thought of as my best friends and my family. I just, I don't understand why you haven't turned on me yet. Why you haven't betrayed me? We've been together for, what is it, two years now? I'm just so scared you're going to hurt me or betray me or leave me. That some secret will come out or you'll discover how much better you can do than me. I know I sound irrational, but I'm so sacred I'm - I'm not going to be good enough or strong enough or positive enough or-"