Yesterday was the worst day of my entire existence.
I lost the will to live, I lost the person keeping me alive. I am not alive, for this is not life, I spend all of my waking hours in pain. A pain so excruciating, unlike anything I've ever known; a pain that threatens to consume me, one that I cannot even hope to unshackle. They were my first true love, they were my purpose, my joy. All I feel is pain, I do not want to live like this if this is how I will feel every morning, I do not want it. Oh dear reader, may you never raise your face toward the heavens and pray to a higher power, pray for a little bit of mercy, remorse; may you never pray that you do not awake the next morning like I have.
All of my thoughts revolve around them, I painfully relive our story time and time again. This is my fault, I am a plague that only leaves destruction in its wake. My beloved once said they would be able to handle the heat, evidently it was not so. As I received the news that my soul was being extracted from my body I crumbled down on to the cold tile of the bathroom. I let out a silent scream, shuddering with suppressed sobs, hot tears with a salty tang streaming down my face. I clutched my head in my hands and cried, I cried, I cried until I could not muster tears any longer. I hugged my knees, rocking back and fro, willing the pain to stop, but to no avail. I have been consumed by a grief so deep, so perilous that I can never hope to recover.
I will never recover from this, for the pain will never reside. I am alone, I am utterly desolate in the rugged terrain that is my heart and my mind. I have shattered, I have shattered into a million pieces, it will never be okay. My thoughts are threatening to consume me, and perhaps it would not be such an ill fate after all. I tried to distract myself from the pain, and it worked, it worked even if it was only for a little while. I put my hands in scalding water, writhing from the physical pain which only paled in comparison to the pain within. It was enough to suppress my broken heart even for just a moment. I do not know who I am anymore, I do not know who this whisper of a girl is. I do not know who this girl that cries herself to sleep every night is. I do not know the weak broken creature I see in the mirror, I do not recognize those bloodshot eyes, those flushed features, those brown hues in which the only emotion perceptible is agony. It feels as if my other half has been torn away from me, as if the whole world has been shifted out from beneath my feet. I have lost the anchor that stopped my world from spinning, I want it to stop. I cannot bear this agony, I cannot bear it. I am lost, I am lost in the dark void that has become of my heart.
