"Can you blame me for needing you? You're the reason I got a weakness. You drive me crazy, still that's my baby. Can't get enough of you, baby it's something that you do." I sang quietly to Kehlani's Can You Blame Me. I felt the lyrics to this song on so many levels, I may as well have written it myself.
"B, how many times I gotta call you for you to answer that goddamn phone?" My friend asked as she picked up the facetime call I was returning.
"Sorry, my phone was on do not disturb."
"Oh.. y'all must've been arguing again." I rolled my eyes and nodded. That was the only time I ever put my phone on do not disturb.
"So the rest of the world don't matter when you and Chris arguing huh?"
"Kelly, not right now, please." I shook my head, throwing my hand up. She sighed.
"You still coming out?"
"Why else would I be dressed and doing my makeup?"
"You know what, stay home. Your attitude is so fucking sick when you get into it with that nigga. I'll be glad when y'all just leave each other the fuck alone. I'll talk to you later." She said before hanging up. I stood there with my mouth slightly agape.
"I don't give a fuck.." I mumbled after sucking my teeth. Unplugging my curling irons and putting my makeup products back in their correct place, I tried to hold back tears.
"Oh my goddd!" I huffed, sitting on the toilet as I buried my face in my hands. My relationship is so toxic that's it's affecting my friendships. I don't mean to treat people the way I do, but it's like my world revolves around him and I hate it.
As I sat there pouting and crying, my phone rang, showcasing Chris' name.
"What?" I asked with attitude.
"Open the door."
"Fuck you." I hung up. We would argue, stop talking, then he would pull up to my house or vice versa, we would fuck and pillow talk, then all would be forgotten. I was tired of that shit being so easy.
"What Chris?" I answered as he kept calling, not giving me any time to put my phone back on do not disturb.
"Open this damn door before I kick it down." I huffed and stomped out of my bathroom to go open the door.
"What!?" I asked loudly as I swung my door open. He gave me a warning look, as if telling me not to yell at him.
"B watch how you talk to me for real." He said, inviting himself in.
"Get the fuck out Chris." I said, standing by the door. He sucked his teeth.
"See thats your problem. I just be tryna talk to your ass and you can't tone down your stank ass attitude to listen for a fucking minute."
"Fuck you! I'm so tired of doing this toxic shit with you. Every time I turn around, we arguing bout some dumb shit, then you wanna "talk". You don't wanna fucking talk, you wanna fuck me and whisper some sweet shit in my ear so I can forget about your bullshit! I hate you.."
"You hate me?" He asked after being silent for a second.
"Yes, I hate the way you make me feel, I hate the affect you have on me, I hate the way I treat people because of you, I hate how good you fuck me, I hate that I fucking love your stupid ass. I wish I never met you." He slowly nodded before making his way towards the door. I watched him with heavy breaths and watery eyes as he walked out, closing the door behind him.
Sighing, I placed my back against the door, letting my tears fall. I didn't know what this meant for us. I don't know if me saying that ended us for good. Even though I hate how toxic Chris and I are, I was never prepared for the day he would walk out of my life, but something had to give..
