Newtmas - a regular life

Chapter 8

WARNING: MENTIONS OF DEPRESSION AND SUICIDE AHEAD. MAY BE A TRIGGER TO CERTAIN INDIVIDUALS.

Newt opened his eyes, groggily, to the sound of a TV show playing and a young boy snoring. He smiled.

"H - hey, Tommy. Get up," he said quietly, careful not to disrupt the boy. Tommy's eyes fluttered open, landing on Newt with a certain twinkle in his eyes.

"Wha - what time is it?" Thomas said, his voice croaking. Newt smiled a bit. "I don't know, but pretty late if it looks like that outside," he said, while gesturing to the window. It was almost pitch black outside. Newt guessed it had to be around midnight, at least.

Thomas looked outside, into the deep dark abyss of a sky. "Oh my god, how long were we sleeping? My mom's gonna be so worried, or angry, probably both, and-" Newt cut off Tommy's rambling by saying, "Don't worry, just explain to her what happened. It's really not that big of a deal." Tommy laughed.

"You're right, I don't know what I was getting so worked up about." Newt shrugged. "Well since you're already here this late, there's no point in leaving now, is there?" Tommy grinned. "No, I guess there isn't. Now where did we leave off?" Newt looked down at his and Tommy's bare chest. "Right about-" he put his hand on Tommy's chest, " there." Tommy grinned.

They kissed again, and it was filled with the same passion that Thomas craved. He wanted to deepen the kiss, but he wouldn't ever do that without Newt's permission. Thomas knew that frightened him. But he was taken aback when Newt deepened the kiss.

Thomas pulled back, looking at Newt, confused. "Newt, are you sure about this?" Newt nodded, hastily. "Can we, just, not take it... too far?" he asked, wanting to "be" with Tommy, but he was too nervous. He decided he would take it one step at a time.

Thomas smiled. "Of course, Newt. I told you, I would wait forever for you." Newt smiled broadly. He kissed him again, placing his hands on Tommy's abdomen, his fingertips closing around his waist. Thomas smiled into the kiss, gently putting his hands on Newt's shoulder's.

Newt kissed Tommy with such passion, he even surprised himself. He had no idea he was even capable of this himself, but just went with it. he promised himself that he would not back out. He loved Tommy, and he was determined to show him how much he did. Even though Newt was scared of doing this with the boy, he still made him feel safe, and every time he put his arms around him, all of his troubles seemed to melt away, and he was left with just happiness.

Thomas felt the same way about Newt. Everything about Newt just made his heart soar. His smile, his hair, even his limp. And although Thomas never knew how Newt got that limp, he decided not to push it. He could tell how upset Newt got when someone mentioned it, how strained his voice was, and how he started shaking a bit. So Thomas tried to ignore it, because of how much he loved Newt.

Newt's limp swarmed his thoughts, but Thomas tried not to bring it up, he didn't want to ruin the moment. But he couldn't help himself. 

"Newt, how did you get your limp?" He was asking the question before he could even process himself pulling away. Newt stopped. He hated when people brought it up. He was ashamed of the way he got it. But Tommy deserved to know. Out of everyone else, Tommy deserved to know the most. Alby already knew. Now Tommy was going to.

Newt sighed, and looked down. "I - I tried to com - commit suicide." Newt could feel the tears welling up in his eyes. He didn't want to see the disappointment on Tommy's face. 

Thomas felt his heart stop. Newt tried to commit.... suicide? When? Was he still suicidal? Thomas placed his hand on Newt's shoulder, scooting closer. "Newt?" Thomas started, his voice breaking. "When was this? Are you still... suicidal?" The word felt bitter on his tongue, as if it were potion. And right now, it kind of was. That word almost killed the one he loved. That word was the reason Newt was constantly reminded of how miserable he was, or still was. He hated that word.

"Before I met you, I was miserable, Tommy. I couldn't stand being alive. I felt like I meant nothing. I was angry my attempt didn't work. Everyday I'm reminded of my suicidal attempt. I was still miserable after it. And then, you showed up. And I found my will to live again." Newt was surprised at the calmness in his voice. But at the same time, he wasn't. Every time he told Tommy something, it felt like it wasn't a big deal. He felt great telling Tommy anything.

Thomas was surprised at hearing that he was the reason Newt wanted to live again. He didn't think he meant that much. But to Newt, he did. He was the reason Newt was happy and living. He felt like he was on the top of the world. He felt like nothing could get to him. Nothing at all.