Part Of My World | H.S.

Take me back to the light

TW [death/disease]: The following chapter contains discussion of heavy topics such as death, loss and diseases. If you react badly to these subjects I would advise you to skip the whole chapter. In case one of y'all reading this right now is struggling with loss at the moment or any kind of emotional trauma and mental health issue in general, I just want you to know that you are NOT alone, you ARE being heard, you ARE loved and you ARE enough. We'll be alright. ♡

"Jess, please take a moment to think this through", Harry's hand wrapped around mine so I would come to a halt. I was about to step into the elevator, when the tone in his voice struck me like lighting. Think this through - as if I hadn't been planning this for the last two weeks, as if he hadn't drove us here minutes ago, as if his car wasn't already parked and the stuff we brought had been unloaded by the hospital crew. Only the elevator was separating us from the place I had last visited about eleven year's ago. I turned to look at him, although I had already expected the expression on his face, his eyebrows were pulled up and wrinkles appeared between them as he asked, "Are you sure you're gonna be alright?"

The idea popped up after the fight with my dad. Maybe it was some sort of coping mechanism from me that after I unsuccessfully tried to rekindle my relationship with him, I desperately longed for a connection to my mom. So I called the hospital in which she was stationed until her death to make sure that my donation, the money she had left me that I first wanted to give back to my dad, had made it to them. This call turned into a long conversation with one of the nurses, which then turned into an appointment for us to visit. Harry was down, obviously, but as always he was worried the visit might open some unhealed wounds.

"Harry, you know what? I don't know if I'm not gonna be alright", I said sternly, annoyed by the fact that he felt the constant need to protect me. Okay, I had been recently bawling my eyes out because my father was getting married, but this wasn't just about me. This was about what we could do to help. Also, it wasn't my fault he had turned me into such a baby. "This could be very triggering and I might break down, but I WANT to do to it. For the hospital, for the children, for my Mom and for me", I told him, stepping into the elevator, begging him to let it ago. Pulling him inside, I crossed my arms in front of my chest, "Is that enough of an answer?"

"If it's enough for you, then it's enough for me", he said removing a strand of hair out of my face. I exhaled heavily to keep my temper in check. He was just making sure I was okay, there was no need to scowl at him, so I smiled instead. "Just let me know if you need me", he added, pressing the button to the right floor of the hospital building, then intertwining his hands back with mine. My smile grew bigger for a second, but vanished with every floor we passed. We stood in silence for a bit, while I was mentally preparing myself from enter these familiar halls, before he spoke again, "So this woman you spoke to on the phone was one of your Mom's nurses back then?"

"Yeah, but I'm not sure she remembered me. She probably thinks I'm just some celebrity trying to restore their reputation", I said half jokingly, as the elevators opened to the sound of a ping. I stepped out immediately - Harry following me - while I continued to talk to not pay too much attention to my surroundings. "I mean the donation was supposed to be anonymous, but I hadn't thought about how much it would mean for them if we actually stopped by", I continued, squeezing his hand a little tighter when I couldn't avoid looking down the hallway of the cancer station anymore. Luckily my gaze promptly caught a familiar face, who - once she spotted us - threw her hand in the air, "Hold on I think that's her."