●~Not All There Anymore~● |BEING REWRITTEN|

|5| I Didn't Want To Hurt Anybody

All these people, almost dead. Because he couldn't do anything. He hadn't fought a villain like that since the Yakuza raid. Gentle Criminal didn't really count since no one was actually hurt that bad. Seeing someone, villain or not, that incredibly bloody? It hurt. So, so much. And the worst thing? Izuku had actually smiled. He had beaten someone to a pulp, someone who didn't have a chance to fight back, and he had done it far longer than needed to. And smiled. And laughed. He stared at what he had taken. What if Mr. Aizawa had found out who he was? -How did my mood change so fast when he said I attempted murder?- He would have been expelled, thrown in prison, and his mother abandoned. Mom. He shakily stood up, trying to ignore all the blood on him and wiping his face. Midoriya didn't seem to notice that it only smeared more blood on his face.

●~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~●

Recently, he had found himself acting differently. At school or with his classmates, he was the same he'd always been. Nice, timid, shy, stuttering. But when he was with break dancing groups and gangs, he found himself slowly changing. He became rude, sarcastic, cold, distant. He stopped pulling punches. He started finding things funny when they were the exact opposite. He started snapping at the smallest things and waking up from nightmares he couldn't remember. Once, he swore he heard something from behind laughing at him, but when he turned around, all that was there was a stain on the wallpaper. He could have sworn he was hearing chikdren from his middle school class mocking him again. He couldn't sleep, couldn't think, couldn't speak. He forgot his name once. He'd say something, he'd start mumbling, he'd have another nightmare where all he knew what happened was blood blood blood. The distant roar of a car's engine echoed through the street in a way that made it seem like it was right behind him. He could have sworn another car was trying to run him over.

●~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~●

As he walked done yet another dark and abandoned road, Midoriya found that he was actually freezing. At least, his body said he was. All the adrenaline from earlier had enabled him to ignore it, but now all he could do was shiver and try to find warmth in his thin jacket. The game of watching his breath freeze only reminded him that he was cold, and his throat was too hoarse from screaming at the villain to talk or sing to distract himself. Even if the small run down house would be no warmer, he desperately wanted to be there. At home. With the comfort l and the thin blankets and the sweaters he hadn't put on, however thin they were. He finally settled for breaking the ice that sat on the side of the beat up road to distract himself, jumping over the many cracks on the street.

He jumped the security gate when he reached it, glad that there were no guards on duty. Probably wasn't a good thing, but that allowed gangs to form, and gangs brought money, so Midoriya didn't mind. He took took a minute to breath before he went further down the road. He didn't really want to deal with the more violent gangs, but hey, maybe all the blood would scare them off. He looked at a shiny spiderweb. For some odd reason, Izuku found it pretty. And funny. The droplets of water made it sparkle almost, the beauty nearly masking the dead insects still stuck inside of it. Midoriya continued to walk home.

It was funny, he thought. How there were so many horrible things, but false beauty hid it all. Be it sparkly jewels or shiny smiles, people only saw what they wanted to see. In all reality, he didn't even have to try that hard. No matter how many hints that there was something wrong, one word of reassurance and a smile would immediately erase all of it. He wished his mother would believe he was fine like that.

He didn't realize he was home until he felt himself limply walking up the steps and opening the door. Izuku finally snapped back to reality when he saw his mother. At least she was asleep. He was less than happy to see that the blanket was falling off of her, and she was obviously shivering. He quickly pulled the quilt back over her form and quickly kissed her forehead, wiping off the red blood that contrasted with her pale skin. He stuffed the stolen medicine into a dusty cabinet and walked to his small room.

Izuku absently walked over to his closet like room and pulled on pajamas. All he wore were two sweaters on top of each other and leggings. He absently stumbled over to his grimy mattress and barely paid the creaking that took place any mind. He pulled a thin blanket over himself and made a mental note to get a portable heater before falling asleep to nightmares he wouldn't remember.

He still wasn't cold. Not anymore.

●~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~●

Don't kill me! Put the guns down! And chainsaws, daggers, knives, poison, any and all weapons! Let me explain! I'm sorry! I know what I did! Yes, I made him sound insane. Yes, there was a paragraph somewhere up there that wasn't even related to what was happening at the time. It's for the angst. And I swear, this is not a Villain Deku, it's not even a Vigilante Deku. He still wants to be a hero. I just feel like after all he's been through, he should have more trauma. He literally watched one of his mentors die. Now that's traumatizing. Especially with, you know, middle school. And seeing his teacher almost get killed by a humongous monster. And seeing his classmate almost dead. I am so so sorry. This wasn't even planned to be written like this. This was actually supposed to be chapter four. I actually cut off chapter four really short because I like the ending too much, and honestly, I'm glad I did. This is the rest of chapter four, so now there's an extra chapter, but you know. I started this at, like, one in the morning yesterday.

So, as was mentioned at the top, this chapter is dedicated to XxFantasy_LandxX. They are the author to Zero To Hero. They were the first commenter on this book, and and I cannot say thank you enough. Even if they hate this book. Now I know someone is actually reading this, so yeah. I'm freaking eleven, and I HAVE SOME ONE READING MY CRAPTASTIC POOP OF A BOOK. Anyways, I actually like this chapter a lot. This took for freaking ever and I'm using the author note to make my word count bigger. Sue me. Save meeeeeee. Also, the song at the top changed, like, four times. First it was Boy In The Bubble, then it's Angry Too, then it's Devil Town (also by cavetown) and now it's Poison. But, you know, Poison actually fit this a lot better. It's just, the lyrics fit what was happening so well, and I just found the song, so yee. The scene in the hospital wasn't even planned. It just happened. Anyhow, adios, my guys, gals, and nonbinary pals!
Date started- 11/01/2020
Date completed- 11/02/2020
4127 words!

I just kicked my dad in the stomach. Square in the stomach.