Yours lovingly Nichols Evans

CHAPTER 1

Amber Grey

4th January, 2018

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved him, and sometimes he loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held him in my arms
I kissed him again and again under the endless sky.

He loved me sometimes, and I loved him too.
How could one not have loved his great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have him. To feel that I have lost him.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without him.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep him.
The night is shattered and he is not with me.

And again i find myself reading the torn pieces of the poem taped together, pinned on the bulletin board, covered in dust as if it hadn’t been touched in years. I could still see the brown coffee spilled across the poem as though it was done intentionally. My eyes slowly scan the poem one last time before I hear my mom scream my name, “ Amber!” I reluctantly descend down the stairs into the kitchen. “Why aren’t you dressed yet? School starts soon and it's your first day of junior year.” I hurriedly grabbed breakfast and ran out the door with the car keys. It was a rainy morning and the street was packed. I ended up being awfully late to school and got myself into detention. As I walked through the hallway everything seemed different. I saw the same marble white floors , the same fluorescent rectangular lockers, the same scent of cheap perfume and the same intimidating adolescent glare, but something felt different. The air was filled with a silence that I could not seem to break, I felt a dozen eyes on me as though they could hear my thoughts. The unusual attention I was receiving made my palms feel sweaty as I clumsily walked through the hallway into the library. I scanned the room hoping to meet his eyes. I hadn’t seen Nicholas in a long time. I remember last summer when Nic almost drowned himself in the shallow waters of the sea. His eyes filled with fear but that was his usual stupid self finding ways to get me to help him. He has been keeping to himself a lot finding one way or the other to stay away from me. We have known one another since kindergarten. I believe I've always had a soft spot for him. I vaguely remember his laugh anymore.