☂︎︎Cocky ☂︎︎ | Five x Female Reader

Valhalla

"Yeah, but how are we supposed to fix it if we don't know what's broken?" Asked Allison.

"Oh, come on, do the math. We know Dad's having shady-ass meetings with some shady-ass people. We know he's on the grassy knoll in three days to kill the president. So I think we all know what we have to do." Diego finished, standing up straight.

"Find Dad."

"Kill Dad."

You turned to your brothers, who had spoken at the same time with a "really?" look on your face.

"None of us are supposed to be here, right?" Vanya asked. "I mean, what if it's us? Has anyone here done anything to screw up the timeline?"

All your siblings paused, looking around.

"Diego's been stalking Lee Harvey Oswald."

"And you're working for Jack Ruby!"

"Y/N was in a heavily guarded facility for four years."

"Allison has been very involved in local politics lately."

"YOU STARTED A CULT."

"I'm just a nanny on a farm. I don't have anything to do with that."

"Well, maybe you do, we just don't know it yet."

You all looked up to the sound of Diego whistling.

"Listen to yourselves. Everything in our knew lives is connected to Kennedy. That can't be a coincidence. Luther works for Ruby, Allison is protesting the government, Y/N was kept in a government facility. Dad is on the grassy knoll. Klaus is doing something... weird and pervy, but probably related. See, clearly, we were all sent back here for one special reason: saving John Fitzgerald Kennedy."

Everyone began to argue back and forth. Yelling at each other and screaming. You found yourself telling off Luther for questioning Diego's reason.

"Guys you all die." You turned to see Five. He looked shaken up. "I was there. I saw it. And I wanna forget it but I can't. I saw, Russian nukes vaporize the world with all of you in it, in a war that never happened until we brought it here. And Hazel gave his life to save us, so you may need to shut up and listen to me. I don't know if the things we've all experienced here are connected. I don't know if there's a reason for everything. But Dad will. We need to talk to him before everyone and everything we know is dead."

"Okay." Luther said, smiling and standing. "I'm out."

"Did you even hear me, Luther?"

"Yeah, yeah I did. I heard a 58-year-old man who still wants his daddy to come and fix everything. Well, you can count me out."

You scoffed, looking down as Diego and Five went after him. As the door shut, Klaus spoke up.

"You know I could really go for some taco's right now."

"Same..." you muttered.

"Allison, tacos?"

"Shouldn't we wait?" Allison asked, looking in the direction the boys had walked of in.

"You know those guys. It could take them forever to bro it out. Vanya, tacos?"

"Is there anyway that tacos is gonna cause the end of the world?"

"I mean, there's only one way to find out!" Klaus said, standing. You chuckled, following him out the door.

~~~

"OH! The nerve of that man!" You took a swing from your bottle as Allison ranted on and on. "I mean, he doesn't know who I am?"

Vanya turned her chair to you. "Should you be drinking? Aren't you like, 14?"

"I'm the oldest person in the room."

"Wouldn't it be weird if Five grew up all hot?" Asked Klaus, standing. You glared at him, and he chuckled at you.

"Eww."

"Oh, oh 'eww.' Please, Miss, 'Luther was my lover.'"

"We have never even kissed!" Allison said as Klaus teased her. You laughed.

"Yeah, but you guys were making little sick moon-dog eyes at each other during breakfast and puberty and all that." Klaus finished, drinking from his canteen.

You laughed again. "He's right."

"Aren't well all brothers and sisters?" Vanya asked.

Klaus snorted as you burst out laughing, taking another swig from your bottle.

"Well... technically it-"

"'Technically'?" Klaus interrupted. "If you have to use the word... 'technically,' you're already in trouble." Klaus giggled.

"Okay, can... can we focus?" Allison said. "I mean, clearly we're not saving the world tonight, but maybe, maybe, we could at least try to save my marriage!"

"No!" Klaus whinnied, pouring his canteen so full it over flowed. "No, because that's like...that's like asking a nun how to hump someone's leg."

You burst out laughing, spilling your booze in the process.

"I mean, who in this room knows shit about relationships? This one?" He pointed to Vanya. "In secret love with some farm Frau."

"Her name's Sissy!"

"Which is an improvement on her previous love interest, the serial killer."

Vanya looked to Allison, who shook her head.

"This one!" He pointed to you. "Is crazy about some guy who left her for a life sized doll."

You rolled your eyes. "For the record, I like Delores."

"Meanwhile, I'm carrying a torch for a soldier I technically haven't even met yet, and Luther's... in love with his sister."

"Okay, again, we are not biological."

"Face it! The healthiest long-term relationship in this family, was when Five was banging that manikin." Klaus turned to you, and you threw your bottle at him. He ducked, and the bottle hit the wall.

Klaus stood up. "The only thing The Umbrella Academy know's about love... is how to screw it up." He finished, raising his canteen. You held up a new bottle while Allison muttered a half hearted "cheers."

"How do you guys deal with this?" Vanya asked.

"What?"

"I mean, all of it. Time travel, seeing the dead, shapeshifting, the end of the world."

"Well, I get really high, Y/N constantly tries to commit suicide."

Vanya and Allison turned to you as you chugged your bottle. You looked at them through the corner of your eye as Klaus continued.

"Allison... Allison.. lies to herself," Allison kicked a rolling stool at Klaus. "And you, suppress all your emotions deep, deep, down, until you blow shit up.

"Yeah, I'd really like to not do that anymore."

"You got six days, hon." You said, staring at yourself in the mirror across the room.

"What the hell are we supposed to do with six days?" Allison asked.

"Party?" You laughed and nodded at Klaus's response. "I don't know."

"I'm gonna tell Sissy I love her." You turned to Vanya. "I don't want any secrets."

"Attagirl." You said.

"Yeah." Allison spoke up. "Yeah, yeah, your right. Yes, 'cause if it's all gonna go tits-up, I might as well be honest with my husband."

You rolled your eyes. "I should probably straighten things out with Five." You muttered as Allison turned to you.

"Prepare for rejection." You grabbed a bottle of hairspray at Allison's comment and threw it at her.

"Oh wait, does that mean I have to face my cult?" Klaus asked. "I just hate group breakups. That's why I stopped dating twins."

"This family's amazing."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." You said standing. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves."