A Court Of Shadow and Blood

☆ A Tumultuous Time ☆

Her cheeks burned. “That’s fine, I was just curious since he showed up in my room as if he’d been boiled in—” she cut herself off. Boiled in faebane. No, only she’d been through something like that.

She pushed the thought away. They were normally more dormant, but the entire week had been a tangled mess of sorting through the memories alone.

Cassian’s expression softened. “It’s okay. You can be worried about people, Eblis. And as for Azriel...he took my place in the camps. Rhysand deemed my presence better than his.” 

She laughed quietly, even though the sound scraped out of her uncertainly. 

“Did he tell you anything else when he visited you?”

“No.” She frowned. He hadn’t talked much at all, except to tell her he’d heard her screaming and… “But he did let me know I was a Shadowsinger.” The word, being attached to herself, felt wrong on her lips. It’d always applied to quiet, shadowed Azriel. 

“Of course. He let us know as well.” Cassian nodded, then said, “The wraiths were quite surprised to see shadows everywhere the next morning.”

She winced. She’d been...very surprised to find the likeness between her magic and Azriel’s and had spent all morning staring at them and trying to imitate what the Shadowsinger did with his; she let them wreath around her shoulders and whisper in her ears, and she allowed them to dig between cushions and sheets without a single thing moving around them. She’d even tried to wrap them around herself and hide within them. “Right. Sorry. I was just...experimenting.” 

“We all love a little experimentation,” Cassian said with a wink. 

“You shouldn’t joke about that.” The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. Cassian paused, giving her a sharp hazel stare.

It dropped. “Right,” he said. “Sorry.” 

She didn’t mean to scold him but...she’d been on the other hand of ‘experimenting’ and she didn’t like the way he’d said it so casually, even if he meant it as a joke. She regretted her words however, because Cassian avoided her eyes.

“I am sorry...not just about that comment, but also about touching you in Feyre’s art shop.” 

“Oh,” she said, startled. “You didn’t know—it’s fine, really.” He opened his mouth as if to argue, but it snapped shut. She winced at the way he seemed to choose his words incredibly carefully now. 

Eblis spoke before he could. “You don’t need to be cagey, Cassian. I didn’t mean to snap at you, it just caught me by surprise.” Guilt shrouded her shoulders. She never wanted to be the one person no one could ever talk to, just because they were a burning cocktail of bad memories that would always spoil the mood. She wanted to be lively and friendly like she used to be; she wanted to be someone worthy of her family and not the black sheep. 

“You made a good point, Eblis. I shouldn’t joke about lewd stuff. I just…” He scrubbed the back of his neck, dark hair shifting around his fingers as he chuckled. “I’m very good at those kinds of jokes.” 

She smiled and winced at the same time. “Don’t change yourself just because of me. I’ll get over it at some point.” 

“You can talk about it with us, you know,” he said, suddenly serious. He leaned forward, face sincere. “Any one of us. We are here for you.” 

Her eyes burned, and her throat was tight as she said, “Thank you. I know.” And she did; she knew that Rhysand, Feyre, Cassian, Azriel, or even the wraiths would listen when she wanted to talk. But she’d spent a week of stuffing those memories down. She wasn’t about to let them loose now.