If Only (Book 1)

part 12

It's the first time Sana has been inside Tzuyu's home, and in the span of an hour she's seen the girl try on every outfit she owned. There is clothes scattered across the entire bedroom. She's seated on Tzuyu's bed, her eyes wondering from wall to wall. They're full of pictures of Tzuyu and a group of others. "Are all these your friends?" Sana asks as the nervous girl tries on but yet another pair of clothes. "Yeah. They were- what do you think of this?" She holds out a simple white dress.

"Were?"

"When I moved we stopped talking." She answers quickly, frantically searching for a better ensemble.

"Tzuyu, chill. Where are you even going?"

"Uhm...Just a movie."

Tzuyu is now kneeling on the floor having a complete tantrum. "Dude, it's just a movie, not the ball." Sana reminds, but it only intensifies Tzuyu's whining, as she throws herself on the bed next to Sana. She's never seen Tzuyu like this before. It's actually kind of funny. But as sudden as it starts, the outburst ends. "I have to go to the bathroom." Tzuyu announces simply. She leaves Sana confused, and honestly a bit scared.

Once she's away from anyone that could possibly stop her, Tzuyu turns to the one thing that she knows can calm her. She doesn't even have to think twice about it. Whether it's a sudden anxiety attack, stress because of school, or yesterday's recital, she always knows how to stop it. It was risky to even think about it while Sana was only a few feet away, but once the thought drifts into Tzuyu's mind, there is no way of turning back.

Today was her first date with Jennie. Her first date in general. And to say Tzuyu was a nervous wreck would be an understatement.

She takes a deep breath, only inserting a small amount. It's already been two minutes, but Tzuyu keeps the syringe in her arm, tempted to inject just a bit more. She bites her lower lip, it wasn't enough, but she needed to learn how to control herself. Tzuyu quickly cleans up the mess, wrapping her last needle in toilet paper and stuffing it into the trash. She's going to have to buy more, as well as find a new dealer soon.

There's a knock at the door, "Tzuyu?" Sana asks. "Uh..hold on." She throws the spoon and bottle into her backpack, before opening the door, causing Sana to step back, as she had her ear pressed against the wood. "Are you ok? You were in there quite a while." She adds, laughing. "Was I?"

Sana nods, as they go back into her room.

"Do you like, throw up or something?" Sana's voice is curious, yet indifferent.

"What?" Tzuyu is surprised, "do you really think I'd do that?" She's stopped looking for something to wear, and is now facing the brunette. Sana shrugs. Tzuyu doesn't know what to say. She dismisses the comment, and finally picks out skinny jeans with a graphic tee. She decides to leave her hair down in natural curls, and only applies a small amount of makeup. "How do I look?"

"Beautiful." Sana answers sarcastically, and Tzuyu shoots her a glare. "Where are your parents, by the way?"

"They're visiting family in Taiwan, won't be back until Monday."

Sana nods understandingly, "oh."

"Why?" Tzuyu looks at Sana, and she can tell there is something else she wants to say. Tzuyu can always tell. "What?"

"Do you...mind if I stay here while you're gone? It's just my mom's at work and- I don't wanna be home by myself." Tzuyu is taken aback by the request at first, but she notices the look of embarrassment and slight fear in the girl's eyes. Then she realizes that ever since Sana's mom had kicked her step dad out, she was never alone. Tzuyu had even forgotten all about William to be honest. Sana obviously hasn't, and she wonders what it was he did, that caused her friend so much pain. She smiles, "of course."

Tzuyu didn't pry. She never did.

A loud ding interrupts Tzuyu's thoughts. "It's Jennie. I have to go. I'll be back in a couple of hours."

Sana doesn't respond, she just notions Tzuyu to get going. When the dark haired girl does leave however, Sana doesn't know what do with herself. She's so used to having the irksome lesbian around, she's forgotten what it was like when they didn't know each other. How did she keep from getting bored?

Sana aimlessly strolls the unfamiliar apartment. Stopping in each room to admire pictures, or objects she found interesting.

Her stomach growls, and Sana finds the kitchen. Realizing she hasn't eaten all day. She opens the refrigerator, wondering what pure Taiwanese ate. Her suspicions were proven correct when she comes upon rice, beans, and meat. The Taiwanese side of Sana is happy to see the food, but the Japanese side is upset to find that there were no tortillas in sight. She ate everything with tortillas. Aware that there was nothing she could do, Sana heats up a plate and makes herself comfortable on the couch. Turning on the T.V, she's finished eating before the commercials even end.

...

Tzuyu is having a hard time concentrating on the movie. Her mind is occupied with thoughts of Sana and what she could possibly be doing. Which she found inappropriate, considering she was on a date with an amazing girl. Even if she and Sana were only friends. She looks at Jennie, who is too engrossed in the movie to noticed. Kind of like Sana and her books. There she went again, thinking about the brunette. Tzuyu sighs, attempting to focus on the movie. It was a predictable chick flick, about two people who date as teenagers only to be separated, but meet again years later. Tzuyu didn't think Jennie would be into this type of story, but who was she to judge?

There are twenty other people in the theater. Mostly girls with their boyfriends, who were obviously dragged here. That, or they came thinking they'd get laid afterwards. Tzuyu chuckles at how uninterested and bored they seemed.

By the end of the show, Tzuyu realizes that she spent more time eating popcorn and watching people's reactions, rather than paying attention to the movie. Oops.

"Wasn't it great?" Jennie asks as Tzuyu takes her place in the passenger side of the car. "It was really something," she lies.

They arrive at the apartment. "We should hang out again." Jennie suggests, and Tzuyu agrees. "I'd love to." She exits the car and waits for her date to drive off before walking to the elevator.

"Sana?" Tzuyu asks once she's inside her home.

There is no reply.

"Sanaaaaaaaw?" She walks into the living room, then her bedroom, and bathroom. There is no sign of the girl anywhere. Tzuyu begins to panic, when she hears the door slam shut. "Sana?" She rushes to the kitchen, which is the first room someone passes when they enter. "Hey, I don't see any breadsticks, so I'm assuming your date went well?" She wreaks of smoke, and Tzuyu is too disappointed to laugh at the horrible joke. When did she buy a new pack of cigarettes?

"It was fine."

"Just fine?"

"Yeah, the movie was pretty bad so.."

"What movie?"

"Love knows."

Sana raises an eyebrow, "wow." And Tzuyu nods in agreement. "What about you? What did you do?"

"Nothing. I just ate and watched T.V."

They plop themselves on the sofa, and Tzuyu takes off her shoes, throwing them across the room. "How many cigarettes did you smoke?"

"Just one." Sana replies, and Tzuyu believes her.

The rest of the night is spent in silence, Tzuyu continuously flipping through the channels. She assumes the girl just doesn't feel like talking, but when Tzuyu glances in Sana's direction, she sees that the brunette has fallen asleep. Pulling out her phone, Tzuyu doesn't realize how late it is. She extends Sana's legs onto the couch and takes off her shoes. Rushing to her bedroom, she comes back with a blanket and places it on her small body. She looked so innocent and young. But mostly, she seemed at peace. Not angry, not scared. Tzuyu couldn't help but stare. She wanted Sana to be like this always. Safe.

Even if she had take on that responsibility herself.