once again ꕤ haechan nct

ten

ꕤ ambrosia pov ꕤ
tw / mentions of parent death and illness

today is the 19th of september, the day of my mother's death anniversary

for as long as i can remember it had always been just me and my mum, my dad left when i was very young so i don't remember him at all. it was pretty rough growing up honestly, ever since i was born my mum had been ill and i had to always look after her. i loved her to bits and didn't mind the fact i couldn't go out at times because she needed me, she really meant everything to me

she named me ambrosia. in the ancient greek myths, ambrosia is the food or drink of the greek gods, it's often portrayed to give longevity or immortality to anyone who consumes it. she gave me this name in hopes of me living a good long life, unlike her

she passed away exactly 4 years ago today, i still can't believe it's been 4 years without her. her death didn't come much of a shock seeing as she had been ill for so long, but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt

i was lucky to have such good people around me at the time to comfort me, a lot of my friends were close to my mother also. whenever they would come over she would make them food and drinks and treat them like they were also her children, my mum was terminally ill but for a while she could still do pretty much everything. when she got worse they helped me look after her and do things around the house, it meant so much to me. but this also meant it was pretty hard for my friends too when she passed away, they thought of her as family also and her loss hurt them bad

ever since she passed seulgi, naeun and haechan would come with me to her grave, well haechan used to. today is the first time ever i'm going on my own, seulgi and naeun are busy and all my family live in another county so they obviously can't come. it might be the first time i go on my own but i feel like i'll be okay, i have to be

"you've got this ambrosia!" i shout in triumph trying to give myself confidence and not feel week and emotional, mother told me to never be emotional when i visited her grave, she only wanted to see the happy me

i pick up the flowers on my desk that i brought earlier this morning and put them in a carrier bag along with candles and a lighter. i'm going to be just fine on my own

ꕤ ꕤ time skip ꕤ ꕤ

i arrive at the graveyard. i get out the car and walk along the path leading towards the big willow tree where my mothers grave lies, as i'm walking i swing my bag around while looking at the beautiful scenery. this place is covered with brightly coloured plants and there's giant trees everywhere, my mum had always said she never wanted to be buried at a place where you look at it and feel sad, she never wanted me to feel sad while visiting her

i arrive at her grave and notice freshly planted flowers around it, the tombstone itself was spotless, it looks like someone else has already been here. i mean it definitely can't be this clean after a year, i haven't been here in a while because i was in england seeing my family so i have no idea who's been coming here. if it was seulgi and naeun they would have definitely told me

i lean down and place my flowers along with the other ones and light the candles to make everything seem bright, i clear my throat "hi mum, it's been a while." i giggle while moving back to sit on the grass a little further away from the grave "sorry to not have visited you in a while..." i pause while looking up trying to blink the tears away from my eyes, normally this is the time seulgi would say something silly to cheer me up to stop me from crying, but today i'm all alone "god i know i shouldn't be getting emotional i know mum i'm sorry i just can't help it.... i miss you a lot."

ꕤ ꕤ time skip ꕤ ꕤ

as i'm leaving i look up and noice a figure in front of me also leaving, they look so oddly familiar...i stop in my tracks and try to think of who has a back profile like that. nah, no one comes to mind. i carry on walking and it's like the clogs in my brain suddenly started working and everything clicks while i realise who i'm staring at "HAECHAN??"