DIVORCED

9:life goes on

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I tried to add eminem's song headlights above but it didnt work due to copyright and such. so please listen to it bcz I think it is the best song to match this story. thank you, btw I really cried while writing the last chapter.
...... hello again, I was daydreaming for a second there, so I didn't listen to what she said .
"what was that?" I asked
"you have to head down to lebanon for the funeral."
"I don't have enough money, and my year just started here" "I replied"
Look, we will pay for your ticket, and of course the university will accept your case"
"ok" I replied .
You know, usually the first day in college is all fun and games, right? well to me , it was misery ! It was the worst day of my life . It was, it was hell! I can not explain the mixed feelings that I had . I was so happy that my mother was on my phone and then suddenly I get mad because I receive news that she had passed away! I was like seriously mad and was not in the mood to do anything at all . I was about to commit a crime, drop out of college, and go be a street child , now I am an orphan with no mum, and a denied dad. My dad doesn't even know I am in boston. He never asked , anyways!
Well personally, I can not stand life any more. I might as well give it away.

You know what bothers me the most? It is the feeling of guilt, and the fact that I did not even say goodbye to her. I left out like a stupid b*tch and without thinking . The idea that that was the lest time I would see her never came to my mind. A feeling that was mostly taking over was , you know, REGRET! I regret the moment I walked out, started the argument, and didn't say goodbye. I am seriously mad and so , so , so angry at myself . The thing I was passing through was was horrible . I wrote a whole chapter about it and I still did not reach the point of misery I was at. Words can NOT describe what was happening . No one would understand. The only one who understood me passed away yesterday. She was the only one who encouraged me , the only one who believed in me , the only one who gave me hope . She would be the only one that felt my pain, joy, and disappointment , and actually ASKED and gave a sh*t ABOUT IT. I lost everything in life , and well, Life has no meaning without you, mom .