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            Alone again

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Alone again. I mean... i guess that's just what I'm used to.
Either the center of attention or forgotten...
not sure about you man but that shit makes you overly dependent.

Trust me, I know i am.
From all the times I've held tightly onto my "boyfriend" like a heavy chain that dragged behind him.

I wasn't in love with him though.

Ive never been in love before.

It was just the attention i so desperately craved.
Blame my parents for that.

Don't get me wrong, he's... or was... a great guy.
My whole family was.
Just my mom, my dad and I.
It did get hard sometimes with my mom always in and out of the military... but when she wasn't there... i still felt love.
Either in person from my dad or on the other end of a phone.
I felt love all throughout my life until it was so abruptly cut off at the age of 9.
That's when she died.
That's when all the attention died.
It's when i died... well... emotionally as you can tell.

My dad eventually remarried and didn't have time for me... he tried, he really did... but he couldn't.

It was no wonder to why my heart melts whenever someone just so happens to pay the slightest bit of attention to me...
not when i was treated like a princess for the most part of my life by people.
I would give random strangers too much kindness like they were my own family in hopes of actually getting one back.
Doesn't work. Ever. Usually ends up with a metaphorical, gaping wound in my back or me backing out last second when i realize that shit is getting too serious too fast

Jesus, ______, you're such a loser.

Well... then again its not my fault THE AUTHOR MAKES ALL HER READERS HAVE BAD RELATIONSHIPS WITH THEIR PARENTS THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

Moving past the daddy/mommy issues and passive aggressiveness, it was like any other normal morning.

Well... scratch that... it wasn't.
At least for me.

Rain pounded hard against the concrete ground, thick clouds layering up and shielding the sky.
Winter-like mist fogged the earth and filled my lungs like sharp icicles.
But that wasn't the only thing that stung with the frozen, dead temperatures, no.
With the combination of being completely drenched and cold winds pushing against my attempts to outrun the storm, the aftermath left my skin burning. Especially my finger tips. I would rather chop them off, not gonna lie.
Where's Sangwoo when you need him? Though it seems like his specialty is ankles... well, so much for that.

I guess i kinda deserve this to some degree.
When you're up studying till four in the fucking morning its bound to happen.
Though already being late for class as it is and putting a storm on top of it is just plain cruel.
I get it, i have to fix my sleeping schedule or whatever but really?
Ive already had enough punishments in my life to make me second guess everything except people.
I think i get the point.

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