Mind Over Matter

Uno

Self-harm, minor depression, explicit language, negative body image

Jessy woke up in a state of panic, remembering last night's events. Then exhaled softly when she saw her arm,

"Fuck."

Today was going to be bad, she could tell. The cuts, though shallow, prominent on her pearly white skin, were going to be noticed. Severely.

The anger, white hot, as she searched into the bathroom, slamming the door, yanking the scissors out of their cup.

"Adam," she whispered, "FUCK YOU ADAM."

Tears streamed down her face, and she wiped them away angrily. She hated crying, loathed it. If she could break her tear ducts in any possible way she would.

"FUCK, FUCK, FUCK." She screamed.

There were light thuds coming up the stairs,

"Jess?" Said a melodic voice, slightly muffled by the door. "Baby, are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah..." Jessy whispered, her voice scratchy.

"Baby you're sure?" She persisted gently, but never tried to open the door. Never intruding.

"Yeah Mamma, I'm OK." Jessy replied, voice still hoarse and throat itching from inside out. Jessy had the urge to scratch it, to rid her neck of the horrid sensation placed there.

"Alright, I'm downstairs Honey." And with that, slow thuds made their way downstairs and back into the snug.

Jess looked back into the mirror and realised her throat was a putrid shade of pink, she'd itched it a lot more vigorously than she had meant to.

"Oh well. Might as well finish what I started." She whispered, quieter than a mouse, softer than a feather. But damage was done that night.

She'd been careless with her cutting, and it was in more prominent places than she'd like.

Jessy decided she would hold her head up high and confidently stride through the school like no one was watching.

'Mind over matter.' She told herself, gliding downstairs.

Her delicately manicured hands slid along the banister as if it were made of water, and she were Amphitrite.

She stood in the hallway with fake pride plastered onto her face. She glanced at her features in the long mirror, what she saw she was not happy with, but pretended otherwise.

Jess' straight shoulder length hair was dark brown, and was slightly greasy, as her teenage hormones kicked in properly about a year ago.

She was short for her age of 15, but made up for it with spunk. She was not skinny like the models in the store, and often had to buy clothes made for years above her, but that was soon to change she vowed.

"Mind over matter." Jessy repeated, this time out loud. As if this would make it have more effect, she didn't know if it would, but worth a shot right?

She pasted a sweet smile on her face, and grabbed her school bag and rushed out the door, like she actually wanted to go to school.

Jessy trudged down the hallway, and weaved in and out of the gaggle of people.

"Ugh, honestly too many people exist right now." She grimaced under her breath.

"I quite agree." Said a quiet male voice in front of her. His voice was soft and comforting, soothing almost. One of the best things she liked about this boy. His voice. A thing of beauty most would say, the voice that should really belong to an angel.

"Hey Xander." Jessy said, no surprise in her voice that one of her best friends had found her already. She swore that he had trackers on everyone. Couldn't find the headteacher? Xander could. Lost your girlfriend? Xander found her. Crazy Grandpa went for a walk without telling anyone? Xander saw him.

Literally nobody could hide from Xander.

Alexander used this to his advantage always. He persisted that he wasn't sure how he knew, but just a gut feeling, but who has gut feelings like that?

"Hey Babe." Another voice said, this voice was louder and more confident. The voice belonged to Alex, who promptly came up to the two, and kissed one on the cheek.

"Oh hey Jess, didn't see you there." He chuckled.

'Yep, it was Gay and Gayer.' Jessy smirked and laughed lightly to herself, knowing full well that Alex had ignored her on purpose. 

The two Alexanders embraced in a quick hug then let go, leaving only their pinkies interlocked.

Jess felt a small pang in her chest, they were so perfect for each other. Both one half of each other's whole.

She wished she had someone to kiss her cheek and hug her every time they met.

She had to break their locked eyes and longing for each other by talking to them both;

"So how are my best friends?'"

Alex answered first, without Xander even trying to speak, like they literally could read each other's minds.

"Yeah, we're good. Are you good Jess? You're not looking so cool..." Alex questioned with concern, while Xander unhooked his finger to wrap his slender arms around her waist. Pulling Jessy into a gentle hug.

"Yeah, yeah fine." She said as happily as possible. Both Alexanders eye Jess' hands, seeing the red lines that peeked out from under her jumper, but said nothing.

Xander let go and pulled the girl's left hand to his cheek and closed his eyes, as if just trying to hug her hand. Xander was more of a physical being. Alex was the mouthpiece.

Jessy smiled, a genuine one for the first time today. Glad to have these amazing humans as her besties.

"Jessy. Alexanders." A stern voice came from behind.

"Yes Mr Sanders?" Alex and Jess questioned, and Xander looked up to show he was paying attention. However not full attention as she saw one of his hands glide back down to interlace with his boyfriend's.

"You're late for class." Sanders said with an exasperated sigh.

"Oh shi-oops, sorry Mr Sanders." Jess said, catching the slip quickly, and looking into his face with pleading eyes.

"Go quickly," he chuckled and walked off, pretending he didn't see 'The As' linger as they said their goodbyes to go their separate ways to class, while Jess followed him towards my classroom. Alex jogged up after he had said farewell.

Alex had psychology with one of his best friends, but Xander had tech, which was the other side of the school. He'd better run, Jess thought, he's gonna be late...

"I didn't even notice the empty halls." Alex said, with slight confusion.

"Yeah dude, you only have eyes for Xander. Nothing else exists." Jess explained carefully, smiling.

"Ohh right. No, that makes sense." He giggles pleasantly, probably picturing his boyfriend's magnificently cobalt blue eyes.

Poor Jess felt restless, not ready for the boring day ahead. I'll just have to get The Alexanders to cheer me up, she thought, Stop me from losing my mind.

Jessy grabbed Alex's hand and squeezed it gently, and he returned the gesture, but we let go as they walked separately to their seats. Jess' at the front and his toward the back.

Jess was in for a long one, and mentally she rolled her eyes.

1179 words.