I looked around and didn't see Santiago anywhere. Oh well, okay lang din naman. 10:00 pa naman sabi ko 'e. I could wait.
I sat down sa isang mauupuan and took out my phone and airpods. Buti nalang nadala ko airpods ko, if not, I would've been bored. I clicked the first song on my playlist and shifted to shuffle. 9:50 na. Okay, 10 minutes nalang. I closed my eyes.
"Miss, pwede po umupo po kami dito?"
I opened my eyes. Hala, did I sleep? Again? I looked around first and looked up to the one who asked me that. It was a mom who had two kids on her side. "S-sige po." I was caught off guard. I didn't realize na medyo sinasakop ko na yung bench.
"Thank you, miss." she answered while I smiled back unconsciously. I didn't mind them kasi I was busy looking at the clouds. My phone was dead. Puta. Pa'no ko matetext si Santi.
"Miss, can I ask po what time is it na?"
"Sure, hija. It's," she looked at her phone. "3 pm na." she finished and smiled at me. Her attention was quickly transferred to her son because nagtatalon talon na ito sa upuan.
3 PM?
I was fucking asleep for 5 hours? In a public place? And more importantly, where was Santiago?
I couldn't text him na because of my dead phone. I hid the uncertain feeling in the back of my head. Technically, he didn't reply but I assumed he saw it. And... hindi ba niya ako pupuntahan dahil nalaman niyang hindi ako si Liana?
Nadismaya ba siya?
Nadismaya ba siya noong nalaman niyang hindi ako kasing ganda ni Liana?
I shook my head. Now is not the time to overthink, Louise. Malay natin, natraffic. Maybe he texted me that he was gonna be a bit late. I'll wait. Hihintayin kita.
Hours have passed. He didn't come.
"Ma'am magsasarado na po ang mall, kailangan niyo na po umalis."
I fought back my tears. Was I that sensitive? Maybe he had a personal problem and couldn't come. Maybe... he needed to prioritize his plates. Maybe. Intindihin mo siya, Louise. Those were what my angels said.
My demons said otherwise. You're not his girlfriend, Louise. He has no commitment to you. Hindi siya obligadong pumunta dito para siputin ka. Ayan ka nanaman 'e, umaasa. Kaya nasira puso mo kay Yuri. Tanga.
I looked at the guard, weighing my options if I should tell him na may hinihintay ako. Baka naman pupunta pa rin siya?
But the guard just accompanied me to the exit. I didn't have a choice.
I quickly called a taxi and got in. I told them the name of my apartment and looked out the window. I didn't have any energy left anymore. Sayang makeup, sayang damit, sayang effort. But okay, I'll understand. We have to understand people because we don't know how their life goes, was what my mom said to me when I was young. Has been my mantra ever since.
I wanted to understand. Pero bigong bigo na ako.
Ang lungkot din ng tugtugan sa radyo.
I bit my lower lip as I see the lights from outside reflecting the window glass. My vision was getting blurry, the lights were going straight na. Pinunasan ko ang unang luha na lumabas mula sa mata ko. It went down to my cheeks before I wiped it.
Ang sensitive mo, Louise. Liit na bagay lang.
But somehow, the tears didn't stop coming. Patuloy parin na lumalabas. Ugh, naiinis ako. This was because of the sad tunes from the radio.
Rain came down that hour too. The taxi came to a stop because of the congestion in the road. Medyo malayo pa kami sa apartment ko. I wanted to walk nalang para makaiyak na ako ng malaya sa unan ko but the rain was too hard.
I started counting the raindrops in my window when two persons passed by the car. We were near the sidewalk so I could see everyone passing by. They were huddled into one umbrella kaya sobrang lapit nila. At this point, I feel... tired... and betrayed. One question came into mind.
Did Liana lie to me?
Santiago was holding the umbrella while holding her shoulder para malapit sila sa isa't isa. The umbrella was so small. I could see them smiling. Smiling. Putangina. They were together as I waited hours for him alone.
Ang unfair.
Ang sakit.
Gusto ko nalang sumigaw.
I quickly looked at the front. I couldn't take it anymore. Seeing them together was like seeing Yuri with Janna all over again. Seeing them together made me rethink my friendship with Liana.
I shook my head. Just understand them Louise. What if you were in Liana's place? Of course itatago mo rin. Try to understand.
Pero pagod na rin ako umintindi 'e.
Do they like each other? I really feel betrayed pero sige, if they like each other, it'll be fine. I'll eventually be okay. Heartbreaks are never permanent. Tuloy parin ang buhay. Tears won't go down forever.
But today, I really wanted to cry into my pillow and sleep.
Pagod na ako.
As the car moved, they were removed from my view.
When I paid the driver, I came up the floors and quickly went into the apartment. Drained na ako. I didn't want this anymore. Kailan ba ako makakahanap ng tao na gugustuhin din ako pabalik? Am I ugly? Am I not enough?
I washed my face and looked at myself in the mirror. My nose was red from crying.
Before I went to bed, I texted him and deleted his number. Hoping that sleep would be a good cure for my broken heart.
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santiago
Today 2:00 AM
it's okay
i understand :)
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chapter 27
Start from the beginning
