All I see ✔️

CHAPTER 39

I was so deep in my thoughts I don't notice when we reach the table and Aaron pulls out my chair; an action that sends flutters of butterflies to my heart. He looks at me funny and I wink at him to let him know everything is fine.

"So," Ellie is excited. Very. "How about we get out of here?"

"And go where?" I grab the glass of water in front of me and swallow more than half of the content in one go.

"Are you okay, Lexie?" Aaron whispers in my ear, rubbing small circles on my lower back which is having the opposite effect on me.

Suddenly I want him

Here,

There,

Everywhere.

I want his hands on the back of my neck and on the inside of my elbow and on the back of my thighs and on the crook of my hip bones and inside me and on me and I want his mouth everywhere his hands go and I feel jittery and alive. Like he set me on fire and only he can burn it out or I'll die a fever high.

I nod my head and try to join in on the conversation. Ellie is talking about getting out of here and going somewhere quieter and more private and I nod my head along with her words and I tell her that I am okay with whatever she decides but I don't tell her that I can't focus. That the only thing I can think about is the person beside me who's still rubbing those small circles, igniting a thousand different infinities in me and I am trying to keep it down, I am trying to not feel so light and so high up in the air.

But I look at him and he's covered in the shading lights of gold and red and green and I know it in my bones that this is going to be one of those moments I see flashing before my eyes when I die.

That beautiful college boy who was fire in my arms and had eyes like pine forests in a sunny morning and that midnight vodka sitting on my table and his laughter, sweeter than anything I have ever heard, echoing in my ears for twelve nights after, but most of all – Aaron.

"Lex are you there?" No.

"Yeah Logan."

"Alright so we're out then? Yeah?"

"Are you done pimping yourself out?" I snort, hoping with my dear life that none of them notice that my bones are still shaking, that I am a live wire on end and all I want to do is touch, feel and breathe Aaron.

"I didn't pimp myself out. It was a fun event."

I snicker, "You had chains around your trunks. Use that shit in your BDSM ideas."

"I don't know Lexie, it was kinda hot," Aaron admits, sipping from his glass, and the action sends me haywire inside my own brain.

"I liked it too," Ellie shrugs her shoulders.

"HA!" Logan fishes his arms around Ellie and Aaron's shoulders pulling them closer, "They both liked it, so your bratty mind can suck it."

"Whatever," I wave a dismissive hand through the air, wishing Liam and Andrew were here because they'd agree with me, but they had to go back to sort 'some things'. I hate being singled out.

But this conversation is not where I am at. I feel restless and cammy and suddenly the roof's too low and I think it's the vodka but it's not it's actually the orange and I just want to go, go, go.

"I don't want to walk around," Ellie whines, "Lex put me in heels and my feet hurt."

"You literally are sitting here for the last two hours."

"But it still hurts!"

I roll my eyes, "Ellie stop crying, this is not that deep."

"You know what," Logan interrupts us, "Let's just go roam around till we find somewhere to stop."

"What's the time now?" Aaron asks.

Have I told you how hot he looks right now? The red and golden flashes sets off his glow and his arms are bulging from where he has his arms, folded on the table and dear God, I am already wobbly in the knees. In my head. In my belly. In my chest. In my thighs. Everywhere.

"It's late, it's around twelve."

"Let's just go, we'll find somewhere on the road," Logan playfully bangs his fists on the table.

"Just a second," If I don't do this, I might do something stupid and I don't want to feel what I am feeling, I don't want to think about it because that's never going to happen, because it's a figment of my wildest dreams and I know better than to sit here and do wishful thinking,
"How about we grab some more vodka bottles?"

I look at Aaron and he's shaking his head flashing me that little smile again, the one which is custom-made for me and I want him to stop.

No, don't look at me like that, this wasn't supposed to go this far.

Stop smiling, you're ruining it.

Stop, be the playboy I know you are, please don't do this to me.

I want him to stop smiling like that at me because I look at him and my heart thumps wildly in my chest and I feel dizzy, maybe it's the alcohol, definitely it's not and then I look at his dark green eyes and I know.

I know it in my skin, in my bones, in my heart.

I know that I am so screwed.