Red Band Society ≫ 5SOS

one

As I sat on the hard, ice cold iron chair, with my fingers holding onto the metal seat for dear life, I glanced at the clock. It was almost time for the group session to start; I was early per usual. I hated to be late, it's very selfish and arrogant to be late. It's as if you don't think about the other person's emotional wellbeing.

See, some people, like me, hate it when people are late. It gives them - and me - a lot of stress, as I'm scared to go anywhere by myself. People can be really mean and make you feel terrible about yourself. Especially if you're an easy target - like me.

It's not that I've been here before, this was my first time, actually. I was the new kid, but I would never let myself be the new kid that was late. I was frightened, to say the least, to be the new kid and to be here in this circle of uncomfortable chairs - I had to share my story here.

I looked down at my outfit, despising every ounce of it. They made me wear short sleeves, which I never wore - for multiple reasons, of course. I counted all the wrinkles in my overall and cringed, I would never allow my outfit to look like this ever again.

But it's just for this session, right? Then I could beg them to iron my outfit, or quite frankly, let me iron it.

Suddenly, I couldn't shake the feeling of being bothered by it anymore. I hate when things didn't go my way. I already had to come here against my will, I did not like that my routine was disturbed this much. I had already a huge mental breakdown, as they call it - I like to refer to it as a disagreement between my body and my brain.

I stood up, walking towards the one woman in this room. "Excuse me, Dr. Clark, I really can't focus with al these wrinkles in my outfit. You must let me iron them," I told her. "Please."

She gave me an amused look, then put a hand on my shoulder - which I quickly brushed off, no human contact for me - and gave me a sad smile. "Group sessions are about to start, you can fix them afterwards."

"No, no! I can't- I- No. I will not participate with my overall looking like this. I physically can not."

"You can, Ashton, please go to your seat. I won't go into a discussion about this with you."

I felt powerless, this woman took this all away from me. I felt very uneasy, when I sat back in my chair I suddenly saw people swarming in. Well, not exactly, but I was not in a good state of mind right now.

Without knowing what I was doing, I scratched my arm over and over, and I could sense that someone next to me was staring at me. All I could focus on, though, was that this made me disgusting and I suddenly felt very dirty. I wanted to wash my hands - no, I needed to wash my hands. I needed to scrub my whole body.

"Can you stop that?" The person who stared spoke. It took me by surprise and I looked in their eyes for a very quick glance, only to break it after not even a second. I didn't like eye contact, but just that quick glance gave me enough information about that person.

I can discover things so easily by just that 0.48 second of eye contact. I already knew that the boy who asked me this was a very angry person. He probably had an outburst every day. I didn't feel safe next to him.

"Are you fucking deaf? I asked if you could fucking stop." He snapped, grabbing my wrist so I physically couldn't scratch anymore.

My eyes widened and I wanted nothing more than for him to let me go. I yanked my arm away, but he didn't let loose. "Let me go!"

"Not unless you fucking stop!"

"Luke, stop harassing the new boy!" Dr. Clark told him, making him let go of my arm. I was eternally grateful for her to tell him that.