The Parting Glass

I quickly recounted the horrors that I had just experienced in my dream. The more I explained, the paler Gideon grew. He sat down on the edge of my bed, his hair sticking out in all different directions and casting odd shadows on the wall behind him. He swore under his breath.

"What're you gonna do, man?" he whispered. I could only shake my head. 

"I don't know," The alarm clock beside my bed read 2:06am. "Sorry to wake you." I finished lamely.

Gideon laughed a hollow laugh. "You're going to die, and you're worried about waking me up? Felix, priorities, man." I laughed bitterly.

After multiple cups of crudely made coffee and cereal, Gideon and I made a pact right then and there that we would skip classes today and spend my last day alive doing anything and everything possible starting now. It was 2:49 when we left the dorm room and caught a cab out into the city.

                                                                                         ****

We drank, we danced with pretty girls, graffitied walls, and by 7:14 in the morning, sunlight spreading through the sky, we sunk down onto a park bench and watched the few birds and early morning joggers sprint by. 

"I know one thing I have to do today," I said, breaking the silence.

Gideon turned and looked at me expectantly. 

"I'm gonna tell Piper I love her." Piper had been our friend as long as Gideon and I had known each other. 

Gideon nodded slowly, "Sucks that you hadn't had the courage until now," he said dryly. 

"I know." We then rose at that point to go spend more money on skydiving and paintball. 

I will say, my dear friend, so you don't think of us as naive and impulsive in character, that we were poor college kids with only one day, so of course we didn't methodically plan out life-changing experiences to do that day. We worked hastily and with an itch for freedom, knowing our time was short. 

When I found Piper that day, it was 4:27, and my time was becoming more and more precious. I found her in the botanical garden, where she always went after classes. Her auburn hair was blowing in the gentle breeze along with her billowy blouse and long, white skirt. 

"Piper!" I called to her, running with all of the urgency I possessed. She turned, her piercingly blue eyes fell on me and she smiled her delicate smile. There was something on her mind, excitement dripped from her lips. I stopped, inches from her, I could smell her scent: chamomile, mint, and honey. 

Before I could even get a word out, before I could tell her I loved her, I always had, she practically burst at the seems with excitement.

"Felix," she spoke in a jubilant voice, "I have amazing news." 

"Okay?" I said, slightly startled. She continued, "I'm going to live in Australia! I get to go for schooling. Mr. B told me that I was accepted this morning, isn't that amazing?!" her eyes were electric with energy. She faltered, "The sad part is that I won't get to see you or Gideon for ages... how will I get by without my boys? I'm going to miss you two so much."

I almost started crying then, because she had no idea and I just couldn't tell her, I couldn't tell her anything. I felt numb.

"No, that's a great opportunity. I'm really proud of you." I forced a smile and swallowed my heart ache. I hugged her tightly. 

That was the last time I saw her, she was killed by a drunk driver on her way to her apartment that night, and I never even told her I loved her. That was when I understood, because my whole world had collapsed, shattering and crushing me beneath it's weight. My world had died, it had died when the policeman on the phone line said, "I'm sorry to tell you this..." there are no words to describe my pain at that moment, I just wanted the wind to pick me up and carry me away.

So there is my story, my dear friend, the story of the day I died, crushed by my own world to the point where it suffocated me. It was after her funeral when Gideon suggested writing this letter, after her sisters sang an old Irish song called, "The Parting Glass". It's a song about bidding farewell to your friends after a party, when the party has come to an end, when the curtains have fallen, when everything is over. 

I have a curse, a curse that I don't understand and struggle to interperate, and as I stood over her grave that day, I told her how sorry I was for not being able to see this and prevent it. I like to think she forgave me.

The song was ironic enough, I had said so many goodbyes that day, goodbye to my life, to Piper, to the world I called my own, and now I say goodbye to you, my dear friend. And I will leave you with the words of the old Irish tune:

Oh all the money that e'er I spent

I spent it in good company

And all the harm that e'er I've done

Alas, it was to none but me

And all I've done for want of wit

To memory now I can't recall

So fill to me the parting glass

Good night and joy be with you all

Oh all the comrades that e'er I've had

Are sorry for my going away

And all the sweethearts that e'er I've had

Would wish me one more day to stay

But since it falls unto my lot

That I should rise and you should not

I'll gently rise and I'll softly call

Good night and joy be with you all